最近发生/目睹了一些事。
虽然没多大影响，但。。。
思绪，被扰乱了。
原则，被动摇了。
事件（一）
球场上。
我看到了教练之间互相暗中策划企图操纵赛情。
教练的自大输给了球赛的变幻莫测还是彼此的尔虞我诈？
比赛的结果，
到底是球员的不幸还是教练的报应？
事件（二）
一样在球场上。
一支去年早早出圈的球队，在今年赢了第二圈曾输过的球队成为今年北区的冠军。
一年的努力，令人佩服的精神和12颗想赢的心创造了这个黑马胜出的奇迹。
我看到教练怎么让球队变强。
我看到了球员自己多么想变强。
比赛的结果，
绝对并非侥幸而是大家努力的成果。
或许的确没有什么对于错。
只是不同人选择赢球方法有所不同。
有人以为自己可以一手遮天。
有人坚信教育正确的运动精神。
很高兴认识事件（二）的教练。 事件（三） 再次和我那班球员重逢。
好久不见。
我说得没错，不管对那些人付出多少，结果真的再见只是陌生人。
不过，并非全部没良心。
thank you yahui,joyce,lydia. 虽然以前最疼得不是你们，但你们却是最有心。
现在如果让我来疼，我一定最疼你们。
当然还有siyi,xinyi,charlene,peiyi,jieying. thank you!
看到你们我很开心。真的。
很高兴peiyi继续留在球队。
很高兴看到joyce,lydia,yahui都有进步，尤其是进步最多的joyce.
很高兴看到yahui,joyce,lydia becoming better people.
我想这些东西如果我不离开，我是没办法看到的。
事件（四）
很失望自己很信任的球员说了/想了一些令我伤心的事。
人真是自私。
当自己是‘主角’时，从来没想过‘配角’的感受。
而当自己觉得自己是配角时，不弄清楚原因就在那怨天怨地。
说的难听, 最可怜之人必有最可恶之处。一巴掌打不响。
‘主角’是否曾想过是自己放弃了自己在我心目中的地位还是我不把她们放在心上？
为什么她们不能了解我只是在需要的时候转移中心?
为什么我需一直付出？当我需要‘主角’时她们是否一直在我身边？
原来一直以来我才是是配角。。。
我承认我做不到。。。
我真的不可能对所有的球员都一样好。我真的很难一致照顾到所有的人。
不管怎样，我想我还是爱我所有的球员的！
我是有偏心，我的确有偏那些对我比较有心的人。我的确有偏那些真正努力的人。
理所当然。。。
我想这对真正努力尝试改进的球员比较公平吧? 毕竟, 她们付出过的是那么多。
我想这对那些对我有心的人比较公平吧？毕竟, 我们经历的是那么多。
我想这样对我比较公平吧？毕竟，我可以给的也只有这么多。
Case (5)
成长在一个传统的家庭，一直以来父母的体罚远远超越疼爱。
做得好总只是点一下头。做不好不是打就是骂。
从来没在家中感受到爱。我也一样没在家里表现爱。
所以，不喜欢留在没感情的家。
在家总只是关在房里。
庆幸自己还是懂得爱我的朋友。
朋友需要时我一定在。
有好吃的东西就一起吃。
有好的东西就一起分享。
又不好的事我自己扛。
对朋友，我什么都不多计较。
但就是不会直接表达对朋友的爱。
因该是太高傲了。。。
最近，一群‘小朋友’让我打开了心房。
二十几了我第一次表达出心中的爱。
二十几了我终于可以把爱说出口。
二十几了我终于发觉我得更爱我周围的人。
现在，只需打开家里的那道门。。。
went to teach badminton this morning!! not bad...can venture to new sport and coach liao!
did a damn damn stupid and went against the law of $ thing. rejected UWC's offer!! joycelyn says i'm simply too 'gan qing yong shi', she asked: how long can ur players stay close to u? shijia says $ more important. m i so gonna regret my decision? =.=?
forced to go match even though i told jimmy i jellied from all the lao sai yest but he insisted i go becos he say oni 5 pple gg today!! dragged myself to ccab..waited..1 teammate turned up..yuan appeared wif jimmy. anja reached. ok 4..ready to start and guessed wat? opponent oni showed 2 players and it turned out to b a walkover! WTH!!! waste my precious time&petrol!!
crab-feasted wif or-na! 2 of us ate $70 of food and ate til almost exploded! thanks gal for the early bday present! i love them!!!!!!! u sure know. 
we'll feast again if u pass ur exam. the agreement is i'll treat if she pass..she'll if she fails. either way we r feasting!!
haiii..my wish havent come true, B2 already smashed my hopes by telling me she cant go training tmr becos her class gotta go some course to 'correct' their attitude problem. wth..1 more 'X' on bball gals team checklist! =(
i've sent the most daring sms of the year this morning!!(getting ready the BANANANANANNANAS!!)
while driving to office, alot of thoughts went through my mind.
1)saw a dead bird on the road again. how come so many birds get crashed by cars these days? i thought it's impossible to crash a bird as they know how to dodge? r the birds getting stupider??=.=?
2)read abt eating lesser but more times in a day to slim down. 6times a day in smaller portions. but do we have the luxurious time to eat 6times a day? i thought of eating bi-tai-bak and drinking zhu-zha-tang! i really couldn't decide which so i ate both. while i can't eat less and more times a day, i sure can eat more and lesser times! ok, can't gurantee lesser time la..=p
3)simon msg to remind me abt dart league tmr. sian!!! already told him i not free but still insist to put me in. i know i m GOOD la but i m really lazy and broke to commit lor! i really don't feel like playing! i really muz learn to say NO!! =(
4)my car is under very strict surveillance of my little bees!! don't even dare to touch anything much in the car now! and i must keep my basketballs!!
5)daniel is so sweet to buy a drink for me! it's so nice to see my 1st batch of boys to grow up so fine. every single 1 of them regardless of main players or reserves or those who didn't make it into the team. oh my buddha, i really muz stop being swayed by my emotions and being so emotionally attached to my players man(i actually tel yeoyeo i'll coach extra for free. WTH!). if tis continue, i'll alway be meilian-the happy but POOR coach. =~(
**1 of my reward s a coach
Apparently, the teachers don't have very good impression of me and my girls especially my 2 bananadaughters.
i guess they feel i always train overtime and always let basketball kena complained?? haiii..
they don't trust the gals enuff esp the 2bananas. they r deemd to b bad in attitude+discipline+seriousness+results.
well, i swear we r changing for the beta and i noe it's easy to leave a bad impression but very difficult to change it back.
so i tell my 2 bananas my best bday gift is not 4holes,not 5holes tshirt. the BEST BDAY PRESENT will be the day when the teachers start singing praises for my gals team and when my gals can produce gd results in both bball+studies.
oh-doi...i sounded like a mommy!! but screwed it..i juz hate being looked down by other pple!! i m the proud proud leo wif the high high pride!!
sian sian sian!!
all my plans cannot activate!!!
lidat how to make the team beta leh??
want to train more oso cannot..want to study more oso cannot.
and i can't change training days means it's die die i cannot take uwc or die die i hafta let go of 1 sch lor. wrs flexible timing...kss INFLEXIBLE!!
u tel me! wat to do? tel me tel me tel me!!!
my daughters already forgot how to play bball!
you know? you know? you know!!!
obviously u don't know...
we are trying hard to achieve something and obviously u r not helping!
don't make me use my banana plan!!!!!!!!
urrrghhhh~~
what a fun sat!
played 'hide-and-seek' at lot 1 with my gals and they helped me wash my ORANGE.
u cannot imagine how hardworking they r in washing car and they have high level of expectation for the cleanliness of my car. i was like: can la..chin cai can la. they were like: no cannot..u go away from the car..u cannot go inside the car ever again becos u will mess things up!
so...i didn't do much except to play wif the 2nd floor gal,coco.
and i pronounce june n zee to be PERFECT HOUSEWIVES!! they were really good @ cleaning!!
hereby i apologise to all aunties and uncles. i really never force ur precious daughters to help me wash car. this may look like child labour but it's not!!! =p but ur gals r really wonderful and diligent. i juz wonder if they helped with houseworks at home ;p
thanks my little bees for making ORANGE cleaner! i'll 'try' v hard to kip it s clean s possible. hee~~
**jasmine abuse dolls!!
**and did i offend that captainPENG in any ways? fuck man~so guai lan!! i m not toking to u either!! 
drove baofen's car to the dinner @ EXPO not SUNTEC!. my 1st time driving some1 else's car and a bigger car. woohoo~~cool! the dinner was alright. 8-course with acceptable food but abit turned off by that stupid chee-na waiter. ok..since it's such a religious charity dinner then i shall not make things difficult for him!
went to find ah-bao n gang to club after that. had alot to drinks but too bad they still can't make me drunk! nenenibubu! ah-sot and gang joined us later. had a fun nite dancing,drinking,dancing,drinking! bak kut teh after that was nice!!! (how fattening!!!)
I LOVE MY BANANA DAUGHTERS because they make me =D when i'm =(
I LOVE MY BANANA DAUGHTERS because they r so irritating driving me crazy!
I LOVE MY BANANA DAUGHTERS because I M THEIR BANANA MOMMY!
last night dream that the worst had happened. i go, the gals appealed cannot, new coach for them.
suddenly i feel like writing my journey with the KSS gals. summary of cos becos i can write a book about these girls!
It’s comforting to see how the KSS basketball girl’s team culture has changed since I’ve come into this school to coach 3 years ago.
When I first took over the B girls of 2006, I really see them as no good. Their skills were incompetent and it’s no wonder why they have never produced any results in the past. However, after I got to know the team more, I realized they are simply a batch of wasted good team. The girls were so eager to learn but they know so little. I was shocked that I still have to teach them the basics of the game when they were already in sec 4s. I did what I could for them in the shortest time I was given-2months. Well, the girls lost their deciding game against Jurong secondary school with a thrashing 19point down. I remember 1 graduate telling me this: “Jiao Jiao (the nick they gave me), if only you were here earlier I’m sure we’ll achieve our dream of getting into top 4. You have tried your best and you’ve brought us to play our best game ever in my 4yrs. It’s a regret we couldn’t create miracle together but I really hope you can do it with our juniors and I believe you can. I don’t want Kranji girls to be looked down by others forever. Please help us finish our dream”
Back then, I was really an inexperienced coach. But those words really get me going and continuing my career in this school. Many better offers were offered to me along the way but were turned down by me even though KSS contributed least to my income. I can easily go into teaching too with my degree and get a more stable income. All because of a promise I’ve made to them. All because of a dream to be fulfill. Many cannot understand why I can sacrifice the better money. But they can never understand that the girls pay me more than what money can satisfy me.
But it’s not easy to do much as the culture was bad initially. The players deemed themselves to be hopeless as winners because they seldom win games. Manpower was limited especially with the 3rd batch of players. When I first took over, they only have 4players in that batch and eventually reduced to 2. Because of the break in this batch, the batch of B girls 2007 and C gals 2006 were greatly affected as the juniors weren’t enough to support the seniors and weren’t strong enough to lead the juniors. I told the girls: “We can lose the game but we cannot lose ourselves. In basketball/life, I want you to be answer to yourselves and never regret for not having done something before. So we’ll fight hard, play hard, work hard. End of the day, the results will take care of itself.” The girls never fail to fight till the last minute of every game, the girls never fail to play every last minute like it’s the first. People start to notice KSS. People start to stop underestimating KSS…
My plan is to start working on the C gals of 2007. It’s not all smooth either because while the top 4 schools have DSA ex primary school players, I have ex-librarians, choir members, dance members, art club members. The best I can get are 1-2 ex school players who don’t have as much chance as their fellow teammates in Unity, Jurong, Nanyang Girls under DSA in the past. We worked hard. We are willing to work hard. However, we are restricted by the number of school trainings. The girls told me they want to self-train but I couldn’t consent unless the school agrees. As compared to the traditional top 4 schools, we really train very little. On the average during off-seasons, they train 3x3hrs a week per division. For us, we train 2x3hrs with 2 divisions. The number of players, courts, balls greatly affect the efficiency my training plan. Despite the difficulties faced, we managed to emerge top 6 in the C division last year. If only the girls have the chance to train as much as other schools. I’m sure they will be greater than great now.
I never complained that I’ve no ready-made players like the traditional schools and I never doubt my coaching as I’ve produced results in almost every school I’ve been to. I just need more support and more time.
Not to offensive, I think the problem don’t lie with the coach or the team. If the system is not going to change, no coach can do much. The culture is changing for the better already and I guarantee that results will show very soon in couple of years. It’s justifiable that the school expects results from me as I’m paid for my job and I understand if you ask me to leave. However, do not kill the girls’ passion and hope. They have put in a lot and a lot of hard work. Do not expect them to vie with the traditional top 4 schools at the very beginning. It’s just too cruel to expect them with not much/no background of basketball to just train few months or 1 year and win teams with 12 players of competent skills and 3-4 years of experience. If it can be done, then I highly doubt the professionalism of this competitive sport that requires a lot of skills, mental and fitness. But we are not going to be always behind these schools. We took 2 years to catch up with the traditional top 4 schools. Although this year we lost again in the C division, but whoever presents at the game can tell that the referees played a big part to our loss. However, we are proud that for the 1st time ever, we are able to take the lead in the 1st quarter against unity secondary and played the closest game with jurong secondary so far losing by just 8 points. It’s true that ultimate results counts but I can boldly say that our team can finally compete at the same level with the top 4 schools. We have an equal chance to vie for the top 4 position from next year onwards.
I certainly hope I’ve the chance to create history with my players in this school. But if I don’t, I’m proud of these girls who have made vast improvements in this game over these 1.5 years. The only thing this team has not shown is result which is the only thing you want to see. Everything that has made them become better players and person I wish you can see them just like me. I’m sure the teachers see it too. Not to mention the seniors, they were just envy. If you have seen how they have grown over these 3 years on court and off court, you will be as happy, proud, comforted as me.
Now, let’s wait for the judgement…
We are really that close yet we are really that FAR!
Shijia agreed with me how wasted it was. She feels we gave away too much ourselves. What can I say? But thanks for being there for me gal. Thanks for supporting me every time when there are crucial games. Finally I have the chance to introduce this dearest team that I’ve talked so much to u about. Too bad no more games 4 u to support. =(
It was really a trauma for all of us those 2 days.
I was totally living in my own world and the gals cried, cries, crying.
**I really messed up a lot of things these 2 days. WTH! **
Read through the gals’ blogs. A lot really went through my mind at that point of time but was really too sian to do anything. I just feel like sleeping&sleeping and hope I can wake up to find everything a dream.
Many players are blaming themselves for losing, making me disappointed etc etc.
I want to let u know these gals:
U all really don’t hafta be sorry 4 the outcome. Winning a game is always the players’ credit and losing 1 is definitely the coach’s responsibility.
Well, I chose the defense, I choose which players to field. If I say librarian caused us to lose, I should say why do I still put her when I know she’s a cause?
If I blame u all for missing the lay-ups, free-throws and under-baskets, I think I should hold myself responsible for not coaching well enuff for u all to score all those shots.
Why should I be angry with u all gals? I’m disappointed with the outcome alright. Becos I really felt u all deserved to win more. But u dunno how comforted I felt at this moment to see how much you all have grown. Not juz in terms of skills but also the mentality and attitudes. You all have really become the good players, good persons I hope my players to become. So what if I can’t answer to the school? At least I can answer to myself, to you. You dunno how proud I m of u and I hereby announce that we TEAM KSS finally managed to catch up with the good teams in west zone. Finally we have a equal chance to run the race at the same starting point with them. However, the crux now is what we do from now onwards to see if we can finish the game at the finishing point with them/before them.
Boy, am I nervous to see them again after the loss? As much as I’m touched when I got the news that they are crying the hell out in school, I swear I’m so afraid that my dear xiao hai zis will cry again. Really hafta brace them up and stop all those tears and sorrows. It’s time we buck up and chiong for the next tournament. Since they r xiao hai zis, I decided to use my primary school training on them. Let’s bring the cute & fun & happy & kind & smiley gals back! Did I? I dunno? But I know we all had fun and smiled a lot that day! ;) *no cramps*
I can spend so most time with these people. I admit they are my favourite team, favourite gals so far with them in this state now. I dunno if this will change in the future but it seems like right now, they are a big part of my life now,an important part of my life now.
And I wan to make this part of life remarkable! i've this BIG dream, i've this BIG plans. i wish for the days when u gals become better players than me. i wish for the day when u make me play full force with u. i wish for the day opponents regret underestimating u!
**well done june&jas for winning my team. jia you and make me hafta wear my guards and play full force agst u.
Therefore, no more upsets abt what we already can’t change. Let’s move forward for what we still can change. JIA YOU KSS!
and now for a change, I LOVE MANGOES!! =p
**gotcha shulian. i'm not gonna make u cry again! boo~ too bad! and my screw is still up there. LALALA~!!
It’s tormenting to see the gals so sad.
I really wished I had done more in the past.
I really wished I’ve never neglect this team before.
After all, this is the team that I’ve love most so far.
I’ve finally learnt to cherish this team.
But is it already too late?
Should I really hafta go, please know it’s really not my choice.
I love this team like my family.
So dear I can never bear to lose.
These players like my kins,
They are people I can give my heart and tears to.
Their embraces really melt my heart;
I know I hafta break free before I break down,
For I know just how long I can stay strong.
Never have I felt so cherished before,
Neither have I felt so afraid of losing something so much b4.
I thank you gals for your tears,
You showed me how sentimental you can be.
Sorry my shoulders won’t there to contain your mucus.
I thank you gals for fighting,
Be it for me, for yourself or for your team.
I thank you gals for being my players,
I thank you gals for being my pride.
How do I say it again?
I’ve never say it so many times in my entire life b4.
For you, I’ll say it 1 more time.
COACH LOVES YOU!