ah-lian's not so secret thoughts

2008-09-14T22:38:00.003+08:00

i guess every major setback made me rebound as a stronger person.

last week was very bad for me. however, it led me to see thing at another whole new level today.

i'm glad things happened for me to realise more important things.

so i'm moving on. as a stronger and newer and better bee!!

catch me if you can @

http://a-happy-beenana.blogspot.com/

2008-09-14T20:19:00.004+08:00

mid-autumn festival didn't seem that fun when u grow up? i guess u r juz not that excited playing with fire anymore? however, it's a new feel spending the eve of MAF with my players. although it totally feels like being a nanny but it's my 1st time spending it with my players: joan, zhixian, liting, weiwei, jacy, michelle, isabel, peng, june.
thx zhixian's mum 4 the mooncakes.
thx joan/liting/zhixian(whoever la) for the lucky draw tix that helped me won a prize. it's ok i didn't get 32nd prize. cos i already got the bball version. so the 31st prize of a baseball is cool~
thx joan for sacrificing tian-mimi and hanged ard wif me.
thx zhixian for getting me so excited by bluffing me that the 1st prize is a nissan sunny! heng i never go buy 100tix!
thx june for buying ice cream 4 me.
thx peng for 'chatting ' with me.

on the day of MAF, busy day competing from bball 2 darts. got joint 3rd for darts and won myself my 1st bullshooter trophy. wanted to go s'pore flyers with wanling but was too late alr..so we went looking at moon at hougang stadium with botak jones. tis yr is sad...oni 2 of us. jia in taiwan. the people juz reduces every yr. jia will definitely b wif us if she's here but it's will oso b juz us 3. wat happened to the big group b4? i guess time really leaves us nothing but real friends who stays with you.

但愿人长久,千里共婵娟

2008-09-14T18:29:00.002+08:00

LIM BANG MAC-ed with my DLS gals to reward them for getting junior gals 3rd in WZ. took so long to organise tis meal. but finally we ate it although some never come. i know they all trying to help me save $ rite! so nice ah chin chin, faith and the rest. haha!!

now oni left big-coach-bully, toh wei wei, training under me. will we get to eat again next year??

toh wei wei...start leading your team and ask them to fight hard. next year we go SWENSENS if we in top 3 ok!! JIA YOU!

2008-09-08T20:34:00.003+08:00

5 DVDS.
4 hours of comedy.
3 toilet breaks
2 comedians
1 viewer
0 laughter

不是不好笑，只是笑不出。。。

2008-09-06T21:09:00.011+08:00

maybe u worry so much abt others being given up by me that you 4got one day, you may b 1 of them.

i did my very best trying to make things right already.

but if u can try so hard to do something idle so u can cancel on me, it already tells so much.
however, for our past sentiments; for the team; i still tell myself: let's juz gif it 1 more try.

we met up nonetheless, but all i can feel is unwillingness and obligation.

it feels so 1-sided.

me trying damn hard to salvage, u trying damn hard to get out of it.

everytime i tell myself to give you one more chance.

but this time, i tink u had really used up your last.

i don't see how this will work anymore.

you have jeopardised all the affections we used to have.

it's hard for me to give it up but i really don't see the point anymore.

let's juz remain normal. maybe it works best.

you are right, don't be a coach like me. 太失败了！

2008-09-04T01:40:00.004+08:00

faridah, pls don't give up...not yet...
at least hang in there awhile more for those who still cares and wanna fight.
it's too early to throw the white towel.
seek some comfort from ur juniors.
go read joan's blog. reminisce on those old days whr everything and everyone is still so simple.
1 TEAM, 1 HEART,1 DREAM.

work on these words:

for those who stop feeling, it's not going to b our loss losing them.

but i'm sure for those who still feels for the team, they will eventually come back to us 1 day...
no matter wat, ur coach still have the EASIEST SOLUTION up her sleeves.
so not to worry child, u deserve happiness.

2008-09-02T23:44:00.003+08:00

With the printing biz having some 'controversial issues' recently. fatty tried to divert my attention to coaching and seek comfort in the 'very-well-known-but-he-never see-before-gals-of-my-life'. he knows how much =) they brought me and how =) i was juz months back when i can't stop telling him how great they were.

fatty say: u can win all the best coach award but not appreciate by yr own team also useless
fatty say:i think when u see yr gals grow, improve, do their best u happy liao lo..content..yea!..happy like bird already!

one thing, never tell him wat's happening to the team recently.

in the end...printing+gals=more :(

really 2 tired&sian to find a listening ear or even talked abt it, not even to the dearest queen and bestest ling. i tink for the 1st time ever, i spent the whole evenin wif them w/o mentioning anything abt my players AT ALL.

like fatty say, 'u need a time-out'.
but do i hav that luxury? maybe i juz nid some sleep. too many things coming on me recently. people pass on, financial crisis, problems i never will expect from gals i never will expect, issues in biz. suddenly i lose close ones...literally and metaphorically. pple leaving me in the lurch, pple pulling me out of shit. lost trust in some things/pple, put more trust in some others. have been asking myself these 2 questions recently. did i treasure some things too much, did i treasure some things too little? do i trust too easily?

peng, i'll try my best to save the world...if the world wants to be saved.

yea, someday when i am wiser, when the world's older, when i've learned...
someday when my fight is won, i'll stand in the sun!
but til then, on days while the sun is gone, i'll hang on and wish upon the moon, praying for some days better on these days dark and bitter.
for i believe that fairer days will come....soon.

2008-08-30T11:41:00.001+08:00

I guess some of you expected me to say something earlier? Actually I did write a long post b4 that but didn’t post it up. I really want to make myself cool down 1st b4 throwing some harsh words to you. (But I don’t even know whether you care already.)
From rage turns disappointments and sadness…
I realized I m not actually angry with those 5 pple who stood, but total disappointment.
Becos those 5 are not juz the strength of the team but a few are pple I trusted so much ONCE. I thought I can carve a future, create a history with these pple. Never have I thought they are actually so selfish to ditch me, ditch all those who wants to fight. Never have I thought they r the last person I can rely on. Never have I thought the 1 to kill the dream of the whole team (senior’s hope inclusive) is not our opponents, not the school system but the least expected, u gals! If you gals did not want to fight, then why have you gals given me the false impressions previously?
I waited so long for this combination to meet again but little did I expect the passions to b diminished. The change is scary…
Seeing that you gals didn’t feel anything, any urgency for the standards, and any guilt for letting the rest of the teammates down is really scary! Suddenly I see no future. I see n future for the seniors previously but I was never afraid. Becos I know they will fight their best and not regret. The scary part abt you gals now it’s like I’m dealing wif people of no feelings for others. I stayed becos of sentiments. Now it seemed to be gone!
I thought you gals are worth much more than the very much higher pay that UWC is offering me. I thought the common goals we used to share, the sentiments, the attachments, the good times, and the bad times are priceless. Ended up I guess we price our feelings differently? U may b priceless to me but obviously you priced yourselves as much to b thinking for the team.
Can anyone please tell me whatever I m thinking/feeling r all wrong? For once I really wished for someone to tell me in my face that I m wrong wrong wrong! For once I wish someone can tell me I shouldn’t regret my decision...

2008-08-22T22:01:00.003+08:00

i was so bad mood yesterday dealing with that irritating, oh so irritating idiot at work!! really spoil my mood for the day man!! couldn't even cheer up even at my fav training ground. u r such a fucking asshole of a pig!!
rushed to darts after that. sian-ed cos annie helped me pack my least-favourite food, fried rice! luckily it comes with a nice chicken wing. however, all the foul mood got chased once i started the dame. initially we lead 3-1 in the game..den 3-3 den trail 4-3..and 4-4 and finally the last game. yay! so happy...our 1st win in the lead. i'm finally playing better & getting my hat trick back too. have been playing badly for the past few weeks. skills really lost w/o training. however, last week when i found out that i m no longer the 2nd best women, i got so agitated and motivated to 1 2 cheong again!! watch out christine..i will get back my position(if i want!)

finally got back my orange today!! sparkling clean on the outside thanks to KIA and reasonably neat inside thanks to my LITTLE BEES! i muz say, still find my very own bi xie car more comfortable and cosy. maybe becos it has more memories? maybe becos it's more squeezy?

tmr match with invictus. hope won't play til buay song again. dunno y but it seems like it's been so long since i play ball when it's juz 1 sunday cancelled. stupid botak-2-b, the not handsome michael lor..use my indoor court invite pple i dunno! bleah!! tue wanted to play oso kena disrupted!

4bia...anybody wanna catch it with me?

2008-08-20T00:32:00.004+08:00

When The naggy woman in B1's house nagged again! she left me and i got so bo liao. so i was hopping around in my players' blog and came across tis in jerica's blog. and since i was bo liao, i took it. wah!! my life is sad man!! i really nid to live my life, esp my love life, life with my friends and family and life with alot of $$$~~kooo~~check it out now..the fongsho brothers...

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6
Mind:	7.1
Body:	7.5
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	4.7
Love:	0
Finance:	3.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

some questions that i went opps:

1)How many of your grandparents are still alive? initially i put 1...opps, i 4got my maternal side grandma! maybe becos i oni see her once a yr?

2)How many children do you have? when i was abt to put zero...opps, actually strictly speaking i have 2 banana daughters!

3)What is your marital status? no hesitation it's never married...opps, den how did the 2 daughters come abt!! i ain't no virgin mary...but i sure am trying to outwit the computer.

4)Are you gifted in any of these areas? and i ticked off Art Math Computers Sports Cooking....this is juz some of my many talents. opps! =p

the rest is for me to know, for u to find out...i m bored again...no wonder i'm oni a 6! i have nothing to entertain me most of the time!!

2008-08-19T21:43:00.004+08:00

simple things can become so complicated.
complicated stuffs can be solved so easily.
C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N-S
so lacking on and off court yea?
i hope u all see the importance this time and it's time to bring it on to the court too?

i m soooo good at ABC. no matter how i shoot still win!! boring...no fight...
1 song for B2:
ABC giam cai cha low di. low di bo ho jia.
AH-MA PANG SAI HO LI JIA!!!

2008-08-17T00:18:00.014+08:00

This birthday, there’s no liquor, just a pint of Hoegardeen. No crazy night out, just simple get togethers. However, I really felt so loved by my close 1s this birthday. This is the 1 year I feel most blessed with everyone around me. It’s 1 of the best birthday I’ve ever had.
1stly, I spent it with the most important pple in my life @ this point of life.
2ndly, the celebration stretches 5days.
3rdly, I felt like a pampered child.
And last but not least: I’ve got the nicest-NICEST bday cake ever. Superbly nice! Don’t be jealous! It’s NICE!

(my nicest-NICEST cake. MINE! BEE'S!)

Celebration started on wed with hui, serene and yan. They brought me to eat a feast of seafood delicacies becos they know I love crabs!

Count-downed for my bday @ TARGETS on thu.

Yesterday, the big day. Lunched @ hui’s house as auntie prepared A LOT of my favourite dishes. Went down to school to meet the girls. I guess the surprise is to let me think there’s no celebration? It’s quite obvious I think? But I got a surprise afterall becos I didn’t know how many times I need to b dragged to my car when suddenly close to 30 pple gathered there already the 3rd/4th time I returned from my car.. Then, I received MY nicest cake in the world. NICEST! I felt like a celebrity as everyone were like taking pic of me, the cake, me and cake, cake and me, knife cake and me. 1 question…y didn’t any1 take foto wif me? Y no team foto?? Gosh…I m so lonely in the fotos. Anyway, I’ve got the nicest cake! Played ball with them after that. Got bombed. And balled and went home. I was shocked to see my car being ‘vandalised’!! OMBuddha!!!

swee-oh. be jealous!! BEE's CAKE!

actually i really can't bear to cut it!

kiam-ah long ah!!!! OWE $ PAY $!!!

Rushed down to ice-cold beer after going home to bath to meet jia, ling and yun. Ate the long missed best chicken wing in Singapore with potato wedges and ice-cold beer pizza. I wonder why we stopped going down there to hang out already. R we juz too busy wif our own stuffs or izzit becos they r no longer addicted to beer? I’m glad we got back there again on my bday. I m glad the 4 of us are out together!

Best chicken wings!! nice pizza,wedges&beer BESTEST FRIENDS

Ok at this pt of time I tink I’ve already put on 5kg wif all the feasts!! But it’s not over yet.
Today, my Chinese bday, weina booked me 1 day to celebrate 4 me. Abit of sian-ness in between becos she ‘尿床’！gross!!! Went lot1 to watch $ not enough 2. I can’t believe it! Well, it’s not bad lah. Didn’t regret afterall. Wanted to go sakae for dinner but was defeated by the LONG Q. in the end buffeted @ siam kitchen. OMBuddha! I cannot imagine how much I nid to work out to burn all these fats lor. Worse, tmr’s play ball cancelled becos they all wanna watch table tennis finals. Wth, y support china pple who take millions from singaporeans’ pocket!

this is the 1st round. imagine this x3!!!

we stayed demure...until we started eating =p

Anyway tmr…eat again with sis. Last day of celebration will be spent wif her.

Next week, full afternoon coachin schedule resumed. Y m I so happy?? I m happy!! Although a REAL BAD NEWS awaits me…I MUST STAY STRONG!!
It's a pact between me and that star that my life and luck will improve to the max from today. So I'M NOT AFRAID!!

Stay jealous, of my oh-so-beautiful cake & my oh-so-best players!! ;)

2008-08-11T01:58:00.004+08:00

i'm not sleeping...
becos i can't sleep...
becos i'm scare...
becos my B2 say she has a REAL BAD NEWS to tell me...

i'm not sleeping...
becos i can't sleep...
becos i'm scare...
becos wat can be worse than B2's result slip?!?!??!

oh wow!! how so scary!!!

OH MY BUDDHA!!

2008-08-11T01:36:00.003+08:00

olympics basketball
USA : CHINA
101 : 70
so thrashed....

'orbakat' 1on1 basketball
BEE : MICHAEL
5 : 2
so thrashed....

2008-08-08T21:13:00.001+08:00

wat a suay suay day! 080808! got into an accident...and orange is like so disfigured!!
sian!! sian!! sian!!

2008-08-08T14:48:00.004+08:00

NDP 2006 was exciting for us girls…cos shijia was singing the national day theme of the year. I remember us looking forward to the song, the mtv, the big day.

NDP 06,07 were busy for me as ytss c gals were in the nationals both yrs. My brain couldn’t stop working on their upcoming matches. I still remember that we went for ‘secret training’ on national day itself at nee soon east cc. well, both years’ nationals ended abruptly for me, but not as fast as this year.
3 games only for c div. My worse year ever in my 3yrs coaching career in terms of results.

But, What a boring and meaningless NATIONAL DAY this year. i actualli have a full 5days consecutive break, coach 1 day and break for full 4days again!! and i am not even going overseas!(becos this is really not a period to squander away my $$.)

why is it that i got this feeling that B2 will abuse my love by juz training her chin muscle and not studying??

本来香蕉皮应该是让人家滑倒的。可是香蕉1却自己跌倒了。被绊倒的香蕉1还算是香蕉吗？照顾好自己吧香蕉1！！不要越来越多伤。不好哦~

2008-08-05T22:06:00.003+08:00

some decisions to make, some problems to solve!

1) shld i go 4 frenly match or dart competiton tis thu?

2) wat to wear for qiuping's solemnisation on fri?

3) how to produce some superstars in my team?

4) wat's wrong wif my team? how to make the team stronger?

5) to watch lost4 or heroes 1st?

going to be damn free next week. fri free oni i already find it so hard to get through liao..now tue,thu, fri all free..wah, i'll b bored to death!

time to book jia for bumming sessions!

crazy downloading serials and taiwan matches recently. tudou is cool!!

youtube is great!

and B2 got DOUBLE-CHIN!!!!!

2008-08-03T16:03:00.009+08:00

isn't it gd to have pple going after u??
not gd @ all 4 me...so irritating!!
irwan desperately trying to get me to talk to him after i so obviously ignored him for like many many mths..
fatty coming very strong recently too. aiyoh..can't he tel it's like so impossible? or does he realli wan to jeopardise our frenship?

c'mon, spare me bro! leave me alone~

I M ALREADY A MOTHER OF 2 OK!!

went sengkang. wow, long time never go sengkang cc liao. i wonder y we stopped going thr to dominate. somemore nowadays still downgrade to bully kids!! 2 ex-nationals, 1 all star and 1 fatty vs 2 c boys height not exceeding 155cm and 2 gals sec 4s but not in sch team. hahahaa...cheap thrill. lidat play oso song!

they say people r different in the computer and in real life.

i tink so too...

it's so boring toking to june n jasmine over msn..

elayne, shulian and nabilah r more fun in the comp.

it's the same for zee n peng. zee equalli funny, peng equalli boring.

*if oni we are in the north zone...*

but we r not!!

c'mon! work harder!!

2008-08-01T16:35:00.002+08:00

i made B1 cried today! and i made B2 cried too..
sorry!! i realli didn't mean it.
next time don't point point point and pls dodge,duck,siam ok!

2008-08-01T16:03:00.002+08:00

lost our 3rd dart game. haii..sometimes it's so helpless when ur teammates r that lousy. thr's oni so much you can do rite? TEAMWORK: can save a game, can kill it too?
ended quite late cos poor annie kept gg toilet to lai sai..becos of some banana pudding she had earlier on. y would she eat a banana pudding? y oh y? banana by-products r so not nice!
wat's the deal wif fruits today? talkin abt fruits @ sweet talk...got home to see lots of fruits! but then, durian again!! the house has been smelling like durians for the past 2 wks? dun even feel like openin the fridge nowadays. how can my family members eat durians everyday? i really don't understand.
den i saw some crystal pears and MANGOES!! they r so alluring on the altar! too bad oni can eat tonite after offerings.

mango nice...mango ice-cream boo~

longan nice...almond longan boo~

strawberries nice...strawberry anything boo~

watermelon nice...watermelon bubble gum boo~

lychee nice...lychee jelly boo~

durian okok....durian cakes okok but smelly~

banana okok...banana pudding boo~

so seriously, i tink fruits shld oni b ate fresh! boo to fruits by-products! boo~

2008-07-26T10:47:00.011+08:00

最近发生/目睹了一些事。
虽然没多大影响，但。。。
思绪，被扰乱了。
原则，被动摇了。

事件（一）
球场上。
我看到了教练之间互相暗中策划企图操纵赛情。
教练的自大输给了球赛的变幻莫测还是彼此的尔虞我诈？
比赛的结果，
到底是球员的不幸还是教练的报应？

事件（二）
一样在球场上。
一支去年早早出圈的球队，在今年赢了第二圈曾输过的球队成为今年北区的冠军。
一年的努力，令人佩服的精神和12颗想赢的心创造了这个黑马胜出的奇迹。
我看到教练怎么让球队变强。
我看到了球员自己多么想变强。
比赛的结果，
绝对并非侥幸而是大家努力的成果。

或许的确没有什么对于错。
只是不同人选择赢球方法有所不同。
有人以为自己可以一手遮天。
有人坚信教育正确的运动精神。
很高兴认识事件（二）的教练。

事件（三）

再次和我那班球员重逢。
好久不见。
我说得没错，不管对那些人付出多少，结果真的再见只是陌生人。
不过，并非全部没良心。
thank you yahui,joyce,lydia. 虽然以前最疼得不是你们，但你们却是最有心。
现在如果让我来疼，我一定最疼你们。
当然还有siyi,xinyi,charlene,peiyi,jieying. thank you!
看到你们我很开心。真的。
很高兴peiyi继续留在球队。
很高兴看到joyce,lydia,yahui都有进步，尤其是进步最多的joyce.
很高兴看到yahui,joyce,lydia becoming better people.
我想这些东西如果我不离开，我是没办法看到的。

事件（四）
很失望自己很信任的球员说了/想了一些令我伤心的事。
人真是自私。
当自己是‘主角’时，从来没想过‘配角’的感受。
而当自己觉得自己是配角时，不弄清楚原因就在那怨天怨地。
说的难听, 最可怜之人必有最可恶之处。一巴掌打不响。
‘主角’是否曾想过是自己放弃了自己在我心目中的地位还是我不把她们放在心上？
为什么她们不能了解我只是在需要的时候转移中心?
为什么我需一直付出？当我需要‘主角’时她们是否一直在我身边？
原来一直以来我才是是配角。。。
我承认我做不到。。。
我真的不可能对所有的球员都一样好。我真的很难一致照顾到所有的人。
不管怎样，我想我还是爱我所有的球员的！
我是有偏心，我的确有偏那些对我比较有心的人。我的确有偏那些真正努力的人。
理所当然。。。
我想这对真正努力尝试改进的球员比较公平吧? 毕竟, 她们付出过的是那么多。
我想这对那些对我有心的人比较公平吧？毕竟, 我们经历的是那么多。
我想这样对我比较公平吧？毕竟，我可以给的也只有这么多。

Case (5)
成长在一个传统的家庭，一直以来父母的体罚远远超越疼爱。
做得好总只是点一下头。做不好不是打就是骂。
从来没在家中感受到爱。我也一样没在家里表现爱。
所以，不喜欢留在没感情的家。
在家总只是关在房里。
庆幸自己还是懂得爱我的朋友。
朋友需要时我一定在。
有好吃的东西就一起吃。
有好的东西就一起分享。
又不好的事我自己扛。
对朋友，我什么都不多计较。
但就是不会直接表达对朋友的爱。
因该是太高傲了。。。
最近，一群‘小朋友’让我打开了心房。
二十几了我第一次表达出心中的爱。
二十几了我终于可以把爱说出口。
二十几了我终于发觉我得更爱我周围的人。
现在，只需打开家里的那道门。。。

2008-07-19T22:56:00.004+08:00

went to teach badminton this morning!! not bad...can venture to new sport and coach liao!

did a damn damn stupid and went against the law of $ thing. rejected UWC's offer!! joycelyn says i'm simply too 'gan qing yong shi', she asked: how long can ur players stay close to u? shijia says $ more important. m i so gonna regret my decision? =.=?

forced to go match even though i told jimmy i jellied from all the lao sai yest but he insisted i go becos he say oni 5 pple gg today!! dragged myself to ccab..waited..1 teammate turned up..yuan appeared wif jimmy. anja reached. ok 4..ready to start and guessed wat? opponent oni showed 2 players and it turned out to b a walkover! WTH!!! waste my precious time&petrol!!

crab-feasted wif or-na! 2 of us ate $70 of food and ate til almost exploded! thanks gal for the early bday present! i love them!!!!!!! u sure know.

we'll feast again if u pass ur exam. the agreement is i'll treat if she pass..she'll if she fails. either way we r feasting!!

2008-07-16T23:36:00.003+08:00

haiii..my wish havent come true, B2 already smashed my hopes by telling me she cant go training tmr becos her class gotta go some course to 'correct' their attitude problem. wth..1 more 'X' on bball gals team checklist! =(

2008-07-16T11:59:00.006+08:00

i've sent the most daring sms of the year this morning!!(getting ready the BANANANANANNANAS!!)

while driving to office, alot of thoughts went through my mind.

1)saw a dead bird on the road again. how come so many birds get crashed by cars these days? i thought it's impossible to crash a bird as they know how to dodge? r the birds getting stupider??=.=?

2)read abt eating lesser but more times in a day to slim down. 6times a day in smaller portions. but do we have the luxurious time to eat 6times a day? i thought of eating bi-tai-bak and drinking zhu-zha-tang! i really couldn't decide which so i ate both. while i can't eat less and more times a day, i sure can eat more and lesser times! ok, can't gurantee lesser time la..=p

3)simon msg to remind me abt dart league tmr. sian!!! already told him i not free but still insist to put me in. i know i m GOOD la but i m really lazy and broke to commit lor! i really don't feel like playing! i really muz learn to say NO!! =(

4)my car is under very strict surveillance of my little bees!! don't even dare to touch anything much in the car now! and i must keep my basketballs!!

5)daniel is so sweet to buy a drink for me! it's so nice to see my 1st batch of boys to grow up so fine. every single 1 of them regardless of main players or reserves or those who didn't make it into the team. oh my buddha, i really muz stop being swayed by my emotions and being so emotionally attached to my players man(i actually tel yeoyeo i'll coach extra for free. WTH!). if tis continue, i'll alway be meilian-the happy but POOR coach. =~(

**1 of my reward s a coach

2008-07-16T09:50:00.000+08:00

Apparently, the teachers don't have very good impression of me and my girls especially my 2 bananadaughters.
i guess they feel i always train overtime and always let basketball kena complained?? haiii..
they don't trust the gals enuff esp the 2bananas. they r deemd to b bad in attitude+discipline+seriousness+results.
well, i swear we r changing for the beta and i noe it's easy to leave a bad impression but very difficult to change it back.
so i tell my 2 bananas my best bday gift is not 4holes,not 5holes tshirt. the BEST BDAY PRESENT will be the day when the teachers start singing praises for my gals team and when my gals can produce gd results in both bball+studies.
oh-doi...i sounded like a mommy!! but screwed it..i juz hate being looked down by other pple!! i m the proud proud leo wif the high high pride!!

2008-07-15T20:36:00.002+08:00

sian sian sian!!
all my plans cannot activate!!!
lidat how to make the team beta leh??
want to train more oso cannot..want to study more oso cannot.
and i can't change training days means it's die die i cannot take uwc or die die i hafta let go of 1 sch lor. wrs flexible timing...kss INFLEXIBLE!!
u tel me! wat to do? tel me tel me tel me!!!
my daughters already forgot how to play bball!
you know? you know? you know!!!
obviously u don't know...
we are trying hard to achieve something and obviously u r not helping!
don't make me use my banana plan!!!!!!!!
urrrghhhh~~

2008-07-14T11:00:00.004+08:00

what a fun sat!
played 'hide-and-seek' at lot 1 with my gals and they helped me wash my ORANGE.
u cannot imagine how hardworking they r in washing car and they have high level of expectation for the cleanliness of my car. i was like: can la..chin cai can la. they were like: no cannot..u go away from the car..u cannot go inside the car ever again becos u will mess things up!
so...i didn't do much except to play wif the 2nd floor gal,coco.
and i pronounce june n zee to be PERFECT HOUSEWIVES!! they were really good @ cleaning!!
hereby i apologise to all aunties and uncles. i really never force ur precious daughters to help me wash car. this may look like child labour but it's not!!! =p but ur gals r really wonderful and diligent. i juz wonder if they helped with houseworks at home ;p
thanks my little bees for making ORANGE cleaner! i'll 'try' v hard to kip it s clean s possible. hee~~
**jasmine abuse dolls!!
**and did i offend that captainPENG in any ways? fuck man~so guai lan!! i m not toking to u either!!

drove baofen's car to the dinner @ EXPO not SUNTEC!. my 1st time driving some1 else's car and a bigger car. woohoo~~cool! the dinner was alright. 8-course with acceptable food but abit turned off by that stupid chee-na waiter. ok..since it's such a religious charity dinner then i shall not make things difficult for him!
went to find ah-bao n gang to club after that. had alot to drinks but too bad they still can't make me drunk! nenenibubu! ah-sot and gang joined us later. had a fun nite dancing,drinking,dancing,drinking! bak kut teh after that was nice!!! (how fattening!!!)

2008-07-10T00:08:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY BANANA DAUGHTERS because they make me =D when i'm =(
I LOVE MY BANANA DAUGHTERS because they r so irritating driving me crazy!
I LOVE MY BANANA DAUGHTERS because I M THEIR BANANA MOMMY!

2008-07-09T14:58:00.002+08:00

last night dream that the worst had happened. i go, the gals appealed cannot, new coach for them.
suddenly i feel like writing my journey with the KSS gals. summary of cos becos i can write a book about these girls!

It’s comforting to see how the KSS basketball girl’s team culture has changed since I’ve come into this school to coach 3 years ago.
When I first took over the B girls of 2006, I really see them as no good. Their skills were incompetent and it’s no wonder why they have never produced any results in the past. However, after I got to know the team more, I realized they are simply a batch of wasted good team. The girls were so eager to learn but they know so little. I was shocked that I still have to teach them the basics of the game when they were already in sec 4s. I did what I could for them in the shortest time I was given-2months. Well, the girls lost their deciding game against Jurong secondary school with a thrashing 19point down. I remember 1 graduate telling me this: “Jiao Jiao (the nick they gave me), if only you were here earlier I’m sure we’ll achieve our dream of getting into top 4. You have tried your best and you’ve brought us to play our best game ever in my 4yrs. It’s a regret we couldn’t create miracle together but I really hope you can do it with our juniors and I believe you can. I don’t want Kranji girls to be looked down by others forever. Please help us finish our dream”
Back then, I was really an inexperienced coach. But those words really get me going and continuing my career in this school. Many better offers were offered to me along the way but were turned down by me even though KSS contributed least to my income. I can easily go into teaching too with my degree and get a more stable income. All because of a promise I’ve made to them. All because of a dream to be fulfill. Many cannot understand why I can sacrifice the better money. But they can never understand that the girls pay me more than what money can satisfy me.
But it’s not easy to do much as the culture was bad initially. The players deemed themselves to be hopeless as winners because they seldom win games. Manpower was limited especially with the 3rd batch of players. When I first took over, they only have 4players in that batch and eventually reduced to 2. Because of the break in this batch, the batch of B girls 2007 and C gals 2006 were greatly affected as the juniors weren’t enough to support the seniors and weren’t strong enough to lead the juniors. I told the girls: “We can lose the game but we cannot lose ourselves. In basketball/life, I want you to be answer to yourselves and never regret for not having done something before. So we’ll fight hard, play hard, work hard. End of the day, the results will take care of itself.” The girls never fail to fight till the last minute of every game, the girls never fail to play every last minute like it’s the first. People start to notice KSS. People start to stop underestimating KSS…
My plan is to start working on the C gals of 2007. It’s not all smooth either because while the top 4 schools have DSA ex primary school players, I have ex-librarians, choir members, dance members, art club members. The best I can get are 1-2 ex school players who don’t have as much chance as their fellow teammates in Unity, Jurong, Nanyang Girls under DSA in the past. We worked hard. We are willing to work hard. However, we are restricted by the number of school trainings. The girls told me they want to self-train but I couldn’t consent unless the school agrees. As compared to the traditional top 4 schools, we really train very little. On the average during off-seasons, they train 3x3hrs a week per division. For us, we train 2x3hrs with 2 divisions. The number of players, courts, balls greatly affect the efficiency my training plan. Despite the difficulties faced, we managed to emerge top 6 in the C division last year. If only the girls have the chance to train as much as other schools. I’m sure they will be greater than great now.
I never complained that I’ve no ready-made players like the traditional schools and I never doubt my coaching as I’ve produced results in almost every school I’ve been to. I just need more support and more time.
Not to offensive, I think the problem don’t lie with the coach or the team. If the system is not going to change, no coach can do much. The culture is changing for the better already and I guarantee that results will show very soon in couple of years. It’s justifiable that the school expects results from me as I’m paid for my job and I understand if you ask me to leave. However, do not kill the girls’ passion and hope. They have put in a lot and a lot of hard work. Do not expect them to vie with the traditional top 4 schools at the very beginning. It’s just too cruel to expect them with not much/no background of basketball to just train few months or 1 year and win teams with 12 players of competent skills and 3-4 years of experience. If it can be done, then I highly doubt the professionalism of this competitive sport that requires a lot of skills, mental and fitness. But we are not going to be always behind these schools. We took 2 years to catch up with the traditional top 4 schools. Although this year we lost again in the C division, but whoever presents at the game can tell that the referees played a big part to our loss. However, we are proud that for the 1st time ever, we are able to take the lead in the 1st quarter against unity secondary and played the closest game with jurong secondary so far losing by just 8 points. It’s true that ultimate results counts but I can boldly say that our team can finally compete at the same level with the top 4 schools. We have an equal chance to vie for the top 4 position from next year onwards.
I certainly hope I’ve the chance to create history with my players in this school. But if I don’t, I’m proud of these girls who have made vast improvements in this game over these 1.5 years. The only thing this team has not shown is result which is the only thing you want to see. Everything that has made them become better players and person I wish you can see them just like me. I’m sure the teachers see it too. Not to mention the seniors, they were just envy. If you have seen how they have grown over these 3 years on court and off court, you will be as happy, proud, comforted as me.

Now, let’s wait for the judgement…

2008-07-06T12:49:00.003+08:00

We are really that close yet we are really that FAR!
Shijia agreed with me how wasted it was. She feels we gave away too much ourselves. What can I say? But thanks for being there for me gal. Thanks for supporting me every time when there are crucial games. Finally I have the chance to introduce this dearest team that I’ve talked so much to u about. Too bad no more games 4 u to support. =(

It was really a trauma for all of us those 2 days.
I was totally living in my own world and the gals cried, cries, crying.
**I really messed up a lot of things these 2 days. WTH! **

Read through the gals’ blogs. A lot really went through my mind at that point of time but was really too sian to do anything. I just feel like sleeping&sleeping and hope I can wake up to find everything a dream.
Many players are blaming themselves for losing, making me disappointed etc etc.
I want to let u know these gals:
U all really don’t hafta be sorry 4 the outcome. Winning a game is always the players’ credit and losing 1 is definitely the coach’s responsibility.
Well, I chose the defense, I choose which players to field. If I say librarian caused us to lose, I should say why do I still put her when I know she’s a cause?
If I blame u all for missing the lay-ups, free-throws and under-baskets, I think I should hold myself responsible for not coaching well enuff for u all to score all those shots.

Why should I be angry with u all gals? I’m disappointed with the outcome alright. Becos I really felt u all deserved to win more. But u dunno how comforted I felt at this moment to see how much you all have grown. Not juz in terms of skills but also the mentality and attitudes. You all have really become the good players, good persons I hope my players to become. So what if I can’t answer to the school? At least I can answer to myself, to you. You dunno how proud I m of u and I hereby announce that we TEAM KSS finally managed to catch up with the good teams in west zone. Finally we have a equal chance to run the race at the same starting point with them. However, the crux now is what we do from now onwards to see if we can finish the game at the finishing point with them/before them.

Boy, am I nervous to see them again after the loss? As much as I’m touched when I got the news that they are crying the hell out in school, I swear I’m so afraid that my dear xiao hai zis will cry again. Really hafta brace them up and stop all those tears and sorrows. It’s time we buck up and chiong for the next tournament. Since they r xiao hai zis, I decided to use my primary school training on them. Let’s bring the cute & fun & happy & kind & smiley gals back! Did I? I dunno? But I know we all had fun and smiled a lot that day! ;) *no cramps*
I can spend so most time with these people. I admit they are my favourite team, favourite gals so far with them in this state now. I dunno if this will change in the future but it seems like right now, they are a big part of my life now,an important part of my life now.
And I wan to make this part of life remarkable! i've this BIG dream, i've this BIG plans. i wish for the days when u gals become better players than me. i wish for the day when u make me play full force with u. i wish for the day opponents regret underestimating u!
**well done june&jas for winning my team. jia you and make me hafta wear my guards and play full force agst u.
Therefore, no more upsets abt what we already can’t change. Let’s move forward for what we still can change. JIA YOU KSS!
and now for a change, I LOVE MANGOES!! =p

**gotcha shulian. i'm not gonna make u cry again! boo~ too bad! and my screw is still up there. LALALA~!!

2008-07-03T22:20:00.004+08:00

It’s tormenting to see the gals so sad.
I really wished I had done more in the past.
I really wished I’ve never neglect this team before.
After all, this is the team that I’ve love most so far.
I’ve finally learnt to cherish this team.
But is it already too late?

Should I really hafta go, please know it’s really not my choice.
I love this team like my family.
So dear I can never bear to lose.
These players like my kins,
They are people I can give my heart and tears to.

Their embraces really melt my heart;
I know I hafta break free before I break down,
For I know just how long I can stay strong.
Never have I felt so cherished before,
Neither have I felt so afraid of losing something so much b4.

I thank you gals for your tears,
You showed me how sentimental you can be.
Sorry my shoulders won’t there to contain your mucus.
I thank you gals for fighting,
Be it for me, for yourself or for your team.
I thank you gals for being my players,
I thank you gals for being my pride.

How do I say it again?
I’ve never say it so many times in my entire life b4.
For you, I’ll say it 1 more time.
COACH LOVES YOU!

2008-06-29T05:15:00.001+08:00

如果可以，我真的也不想发脾气。
如果我不在乎，我想我也不会发脾气。。。
怎么每次大比赛的前夕总会有不愉快的事发生？
Candy 曾经说这是YTSS的一个诅咒。
但当KSS也发生类是的事件后，我想这应该是我的诅咒吧。
真是诅咒吗？还是无形的压力逼得我喘不过气。
总是皇上不急，太监急。自己不想输的心远远超越球员想赢的心。
原来问题一直不在YTSS身上。
其实问题一直出在自己身上。
总是越投入，要求越高，越不能纵容球员的不全心投入。
原来我真得那么希望这次KSS能赢。
却觉得比赛的人也没我用心、没我取胜的心重。
后来才发现自己也会有想放弃这队的一天。

2008-06-12T13:26:00.002+08:00

angela asked me: y u looked s if u r really angry wif them?
i replied: I M WAT! i cancelled my sports massage appointment to have lunch wif them since it's a long time i sat down wif them to eat. in the end all made me feel so unwelcomed!
fine! i'll not eat wif them ever again!
bought bread 4 them complain my bread soggy...lend them ankle brace complain my ankle brace no gd...1 help them improve they tel me so many excuses and show me how reluctuant they r... wan encourage them show me that fuck-up emo face...wan tok to them on car ask me drive everybody...wth!!
fine! i'll not mind their business anymore, they die their problem, they lousy their problem!
NOT MY PROBLEM!
becos i m the coach who isn't even welcome to eat wif her players. becos i'm the coach who can't even have a talk wif her players.
n by players i oni mean my females players. my boys r still great!

2008-06-10T20:24:00.002+08:00

since jasmine&sheryln kept their words and fulfil their forfeit, i hereby wish that their wish will come true!! wishing is wishing...
the real challenge is: can u perform well in that kind of intensity?? if u can, u can become a better player, a stronger team and a higher chance to fulfil ur wish. ;)

2008-06-09T20:41:00.001+08:00

y don't u like listening to my stories...i'm sure my children and grandchildren will love to hear them! =p
wait til the day u no stories to listen...

2008-06-03T21:27:00.002+08:00

it's been a LONG LONG time since the teams i coach won some game. finally won 1 today! will i get more?? i ponder...

2008-06-02T22:29:00.002+08:00

Oh My Buddha~
i realised i 4got to list the most important '1ST TIME' that happened on sat! that's it's the 1st time my player get selected for national youth! well done man nicole!! JiaoJiao is soo soo soo proud of you. whether or not u made it into the squad ultimately, it's already a big boost to ur bball achievements.
how i wish ur juniors can be as determined as u to become a better player. how i wish ur juniors can fight as hard as u gals to become a better team. how i wish ur juniors bear big dreams like u gals to create a miracle.
i still remember how last time cass plead me to create a miracle..now i gotta plead ur juniors to perform the miracle and they don't seemed moved/motivated at all!
going crazy already...maybe it's time to get DRUNK and 4get everything!!!
=( =( =(

i asked: Now that you have seen Jurong West and Jurong, what do you think?
and so she replied: No hope.
naturally, i'm thinking: so, r we giving up??

2008-06-01T02:04:00.005+08:00

today alot of 'FIRST TIME' happened to me!!

1)my 1st time back on court after being out of action for a very long 2mths! i muz say my ankle is still not ok yet(damn sad!). but once step on the court, it's so easy to 4get ur injuries. my teammates & coach were like more gan jiong than me. but it's very difficult to go easy/play relax leh. let me play so little..average 3+ mins a quarter oni. total 15mins? sianzz

2)my 1st time where my team scored until the end of the scoresheet. 160-9! we could easily go into the 2nd score sheet. but decided not to be so bad. scored 26points...oni 16% of total score.not gd enuff. but imagine...my score alone can win the opponent liao. i can oni say i really feel sorry for pple who r lousy. how can pple stand being lousy? i remember my 1st youth cup. kena thrashed 65-2 by combined sch. since then, i told myself i will not b a lousy player! never!! i will not allow my team to be lousy. never!! i will score score score,fight fight fight 4 my team! the next yr, i got into combine sch.

3)my 1st time seeing jss & jwss play this yr

4)my 1st time i'm actually worried abt kss. last time, all i can tink abt is how to let ytss win. now i m realli worried abt how to let kss win. i realli want kss to win. however, deep down i know...ytss always can execute watever i strategise but for kss, they really lack the ability, brains, desires, gung-ho-ness. i admit, I M STRESSSS. i admit, I M NOT VERY CONFIDENT if they continue at this rate. wanling says a general gotta believe in her soldiers that they will fight and they will fight for you and they will win for u. i used to haf great faith in them but they never show me they can fight leh.how??

5)my 1st time being stopped by a traffic police. wth!! u gals really bring me luck..BAD LUCK! no wonder our groupin so lousy...no wonder today my 3rd prize missed by 1 number...no wonder the traffic police handsome but not tall enuff 4 me! june is a glutton! hahaha..super duper dried longans!!

6)my 1st time eating 6 tian qi!! had my dinner @ 12am. ate some dim sum. den sot suggest to order some frog's leg porridge to satisfy cravings. who knows patrick ordered 6!! normally pple order 1,2 if not 3...he ordered 6!!! omg! but gd, juz nice to nourish my ankle! frog legs make ur legs strong!!

7)my 1st time being so broke. peniless in the bank. the cash in my wallet is all i've got. that's like $30?? =.=''

so happy to see my 4angels!!! miss them sooo much!!
wrs c boys realli improved ALOT ALOT! all of them! their hard work really pays off man!! well done boys! i've never see such gd fighting spirit for a long time. jia you jia you!!

2008-05-23T09:11:00.002+08:00

it's has been awhile since i send zelia home. was the last time that accident that time?
it has oso been awhile since i have a serious talk with her. i tink i really did neglect my sec 3s for my c gals recently.
zelia zhang da le... more matured now although still blur blur and 4getful. =p

2008-05-20T23:56:00.003+08:00

CHECK OUT MY 'SON'!!!!
i did not spend $100+ on my son. ''NO, I DID NOT!!'' =p
one thing for sure: my 'son' is definitely SMARTER than my 'daughters'!! yah, tt's for sure~~

2008-05-20T23:20:00.004+08:00

so tired these few days...
thu sad til cannot sleep aft reading 'that' blog, fri chat on phone with bananadaughters til very late, sat mahjong til very late, sun cheong til very late( or early? since it's 6am and i oni slept til 9+)last but not least, last nite dart til very late.
unhappiness,hp radiations,13hrs of mj,wine&liquors,darts really drained me totally.

i m juz happy things are better now, oso no mj til next wk, no drinking til fri and no darts for the time being. however i still nid to buzz abt hui's wedding on sun. tmr and thu busy printing, fri nite hen's party, sat little bees playing admiralty cup, sun whole day helping as jie mei..andandand..i havent got my 2 white dresses!! why can't it be blue,green,brown,black leh? so mafan..nid to shop! so sad..nid to spend $$!

(the person who gave me this flower oso gave and an adidas jacket and LV wallet. wat a gd fren rite? but i will also remember YOU'RE THE FREN WHO MADE ME PUKE TWICE and counting...=p)

talking abt jacket, pauline got me a nike jacket fr australia too. i'm really loved! and i really have alot of jackets!! ;p

2008-05-20T10:16:00.001+08:00

do things really work out only when you lost or going to lose them?
rather ironic feelings felt recently. i had fallen out with my most beloved and connected kss(particularly bananadaughters). although we r ok now, i still can't believe our relationship did actually turned hostile then. lacks cherish!

on the other hand, my wrs are so guai and nice to me now. they started showing me very good attitude and mentality. all the problem kids last time who quitted(colin,wilson), almost quitted(xaiver), didn't want to cooperate with me/passive(tingwei), kanna chased out of court by me(still xaiver) are all back and are now very much better than last time. this is the team i'm going to lose soon. will be handing them over to YQ aft c boys while i go train c boys for next yr. so sad~~ ='( but well, let's do well for milo cup this time ok boys? our last chance together. must cherish!

saddest case is ytss. for so many yrs, i've never feel connected to them. why is it only til now do i feel there's finally a connection between us?? i really hate who ever is the one who broke my girls and me up!! i wish u never have to break up with something u love ever becos i know how painful it is! (but i sure wish u get ur retribution! hmmph!). no chance to cherish!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thanks jiahui,shermaine,weili,huimin! 有心了！i'll always remember you all de. don't 4get me too! we'll play ball together soon ok!! ;)

2008-05-14T00:22:00.002+08:00

it's ironic when i was coaching them, they never call me for no reasons. now that i'm not, out if the blue i received a call from yahui &joyce asking me to watch them on tv.
while seeing them became a habit, it's weird not seeing them for close 1 mth. it's even weirder when i actually see them again, it's on TV!! what's weirdest is that it's the kopi-tiam's tv!
anyway, i saw sandra,jieying,joyce,yahui,siyi,shermaine,weili,cass,jiayu,sici of ytss. for kranji, only managed to see sheryln & librarian(i tink i saw her?)
thx yahui(&joyce) 4 taking the effort to 'record' the show 4 me. i'll definitely keep the video to remember ur (blurred)faces by. haa!

thank u psm! i'm really touched becos i tink this is like the 1st time i get any 'thank you' from the sec 4s. u affirmed my belief that '只要有付出，一定有回报'. it doesn't really matter how much i get back becos at least i can confirm i didn't waste my efforts on nothing/heartless pple. i asked myself, y we can never express our feelings when we had each other? i've learned my lesson. i hope all my other teams can learn from our lesson too.

u may not know how to start but i sure know how to end: finally i realised, my relationships wif the team(maybe not all) is not as bad/ugly as i thought. i thought i won't get to say this again but i will say it 1 last time: THANK YOU YTSS(u gals not the school!!)! i'll remember all our gd times & forget our bad times. let's all continue to jia you in our lives from now on.

2008-05-12T01:14:00.003+08:00

as of today, i'm no longer coach of ytss.
(deleted post...)
don't cry already yahui.
don't be sad whoever r sad.
like what yahui says, ''My mouth might always say 'I don't like her.' But actually inside, I care alot about her.'' i guess her statement speaks for me too la. i always claim i'll let go of YTSS 1st if i hafta let go of any sch. now that i really gotta let go, i can't describe how i hate to part with them.
quoting yahui again, no matter how much unhappiness there were, chao chao the feeling is still there wat!

don't tink too much. definitely you gals were not wrong this time.

u& me both didn't treasure our chance when we have the chance. now that we lost it, it's juz too late to regret. i guess we gotta learn to cherish every moment, everyone ard us when it's with us.
no use regretting only when it's lost.

take care pple!!

2008-05-08T19:36:00.003+08:00

pple change,
it's saddening how pple can suddenly change overnight.
at a blink,
i couldn't recognise the one standing in front of me anymore?
total trust,
brings me to great disappointments and it's heartbreaking.
shld i meddle,
or allow things to go out of hand after which regret and grief?
ripping my heart,
when i hafta let go of something once important.
can i reverse,
or is this an irreversible process for us to resign fate to?

now i finally understand why things don't work out for me and the others.
becos when i start to care enuff, i can't allow pple to go astray.
i want the best out of YOU yet YOU are indulge in temptations.
i always believe YOU will not become others.
now i feel YOU have become others.
the others that i never would hope YOU will become.
i failed..once again..i failed..
i'm juz glad i'm experienced already...
i'm juz glad i never cry this time...

2008-05-03T09:20:00.011+08:00

despite the fact that i got angry wif a flower(which didn't even know what it did wrong) & losing the dart game which may cost us our chance 2 b in the finals(boo~), it was still a GREAT GREAT day yest!

Why why why?
Becos all my ex-players suddenly miss me and sms me after long long time(except nicole). In the mornin, Nicole msg her abt her groupin in A div which is v gd. Cool! Den when i'm pissed wif a flower, suddenly got a sms from the self-declare-我-最-疼-就-是-她-的-Cass(this gal ah, haven't heard fr her since CNY aft she appeared&disappeared wif a box of shark's fin soup 4 me.) sayin she was at old NIE and saw the bball court which reminded her of me.Silly gal, when did i ever look like a court! =p

Darted at nite. I played badly today. Shit.. But it juz feel different throwin wif slippers & not shoes! Lost 5-4. Will we make it to finals? I hope we do. Feel i'm lettin tony down! Cannot stand myself playin so badly so went down spartan to spar abit. Unfortunately, tt irritatin weihan was there. Kept flirtin wif me. Buay tahan!

Out of the blue, received a msg fr the most unexpected person: yinci!! She missed me too! Yes, I'm so lookin 4ward to our gatherin. Do organise soon ok. ;)

So many pple miss me and tink of me today. I miss them too! It's feels good to b remembered. JiaoJiao always remembers and tink abt u gals 2! ;)

I'm so glad i even haf that batch of players in my coachin career:nicole,cass,yinci,kityee,zub,joan,ellysa,alicia(who still looks me up), (not 4gettin)yenle,elayne,natasha,jinxiang! W/o them, i don't tink i'll develop the passion&confidence to even continue coachin. Althou we don't haf much trainin time together(some 1yr +, some s short s 2+ months), althou we didn't win anything, we gain some things much more valuable than those medals. we had precious quality time n memories we achieved from fightin wif 1heart,1mind. we have strong bondings we achieved by treatin each other wif respect,true heart,trust,sincerity.

I'm happy! I'm smiling! I'm glad! I'm proud! =D =) =] :D :) :]

2008-04-26T12:46:00.007+08:00

3 yrs gd record of un-sprained ankles was finally broken yest. 3yrs ago fractured my right ankle n went on cast. 3yrs later fractured my left ankle n went on cast again!
Gotta cast for 2wks and at least stop bball/running for 1month or more. Gotta miss at least 4 wks of bbaxn matches and tonight's darts challenge! Damn!
Hai..wat an unworthy injury! Y did i played full force when i didn't wear ankle braces? Since my ankles r so weak i shld noe beta to b disciplined not to play hard w/o protections!
Now i suffer. Took me 2mths to step onto the court the last time. Took me much guts to jump off the ground the last time. Took away my wish to establish Dream Team the last time. Took me off home united the last time.
Will i lose anything this time? Hell!

*the way back from car to home on clutches is worse then a 2.4km run! Oh, How i miss runnin!

猪脚。。。要吃吗？

吃我一个‘天蟾脚’！！

2008-04-17T14:14:00.002+08:00

it's shocking to see how players react when they see you after a long time(although sometimes not that long~).
some gives me chocolates,
some let me treat,
some hugs me,
some scream&shout&run&jump,
some has got no reactions.
only 1 week passed, 3 more weeks to go!! =(

2008-04-15T17:35:00.004+08:00

lobo day 4:
Did so much today! Mornin went UPS. After that met sot 4 lunch. Went RVPS and rushed down 2 ymca b4 speedin off 2 SBC for nicole's match. Saw alicia too! Then jammed all the way back 2 office and finally reached home to finish watchin CJ7 & BAMBI2! I guess the shows won't that captivatin cos i done alot of plannings 4 kss's trainin. Really so behind time man!like so not prepared! Stressed~

Lobo day 5:
Slacker day. Woke up slacked, went office slacked. Den, i was really so determined to start my jog(aft so many yrs of 'restin') and it ended up rainin! Nvm.. I'll hit the gym tmr b4 gg to watch A div! I'M DETERMINED!

** my left hand is so bad i tink i may never be able to do push-ups again! =~(

2008-04-13T17:52:00.001+08:00

lobo days 2&3: played my sweat-the-most half court game yesterday wif fomei and gang. it has been 1mth since i play some serious games. sunday session kept cancelling. club trainin kept cancelling. next-team session kept cancelling and unknowingly it's been a month!!
my left knee realli got problem liao..it's so affecting my moves and every shot is painful. i wonder how long more i can continue to play competitively. =(
i muz get prepared for next sat's game too. it's not gonna b easy. and i don't 1 to lose to that disgusting lesbian pig couples. 1 week to train! bee muz be hardworking~buzz buzz

2008-04-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

training @ KSS officially prononuce end of all my secondary coaching for the moment and the start of my lobo days~
lobo day(night) 1:started off my night at SPARTAN and my dinner was 3 barcadi breezers and some nuts. sia la~~
lawrence saw me drinking breezer and drank too. surprised that he never drink beer today. he asked me whether drinkin breezer will get drunk? haha~ i tink that depends on him not the drink leh..=p
we won the game. but i played badly though. shit~ nevermind...this 1 mth while i break for coaching i'll train more on darts!

2008-04-08T10:22:00.004+08:00

tag replies to...
shulian:u all r cute? eee~~ u all r pain in my ass la! =p
jerica:u 1 to bet?? how much$$?? but i don't take small bets hor. hee~
banana daughter2:u cry i oso don't care! u 1 2 commit suicide? alrite..then i'll make u commit to 'SUICIDES'. kekeke~~
banana daughter1:yea..i'm s irritating s u r IRRITATING!;p

u pple r really very 烦leh!! make me become so 烦too.
ok after some careful, deep,serious & (i hope not stupid) thoughts...i shall not and cannot bring myself to be a 没良心、没情义的人。
so despite all the risks & psychos i've to handle, i shall say: ok..i'll not leave you all unless, the school chase me off or u chase me off or i strike big sweep and retire k!
i'm staying becos of the little hope to c u all make it big someday, somehow. i'm staying becos of ur little bit of 良心. i'm staying so we enjoy that little bit of sweetness but alot of hardship together. i'm staying becos of a phonecall. i'm staying definitely not becos of michael's honey. =p

i hope u all don't make me regret my decision hor.
but for now, rest assured there ain't gonna be any changes.
so no nid 2 commit suicide le.(u still hafta commit 2 SUICIDES though.)
so no nid buy donuts le.(damn y didn't i dream of birdnest? haha~)
so no nid worry le.(i mean for me but u still gotta worry abt ur progress in bball&studies!)
so better WORK HARD le.(remember our TARGET!)
so better get SMART le.(for only smart pple have the solution*)
so better be FEARLESS le.(because only u r ur greatest fear!!)

2008-04-06T02:48:00.002+08:00

HOps says they wanted ask me bk to qianxi if not 4 the transfer fee of $300.
althou now it's too late to consider the offer But tis really got me thinkin whether to stay at tamp east esp when we discussed when shld we really retire like baoling. If my potential is not gg to b stretched in near future then i tink it's gonna b never!
Told HOps i'll gif tamp east 1 more chance, 1 last chance...

2008-04-06T02:34:00.002+08:00

spent the whole day wif HOps. We ate at chompchomp(oni i ate),went match(oni i played),shopped(oni i spent $),watched movie. Wah lau, y m i the oni 1 gettin fat&buyin things when u r the 1 who suggested shoppin in the 1st place? Haa.. But it's all worthwhile cos really Seldom get to spend such quality time wif this slacker fren of mine.

2008-04-04T21:09:00.003+08:00

电视看多了，头脑就想多了。

刚看完之前录的SPOP万岁。
看到熟悉的脸孔--梁文福老师。
高中时被选中代表学校去参加写作精英班，
梁文福就是当时的老师。
如果当初坚持写作而不全心全意打球，
可能如今我不做个写词人也当了个记者吧。
或许。。。

也因打球，3年前代表新加坡去了奥运2008的其中一个主办局--秦皇岛
当年到那儿打亚洲杯时，秦皇岛还没什么玩的。
唯一的收获是我得到马来亚教练的一段真言：
一个队要成功就要像个家。一家人才会为彼此拼命、牺牲、努力、争取。
看节目介绍，如今秦皇岛变了很多，但此教练的话我仍牢记在心。
惭愧的是身为一个球员的我始终没能力将队友变成一家人。
如今国队也没去练了，外队又没有系统的训练。
只希望身为教练的我能够为很多球员找到另一个家。
相信。。。

看了‘为我独尊’的预告片看到一个是曾相识的脸孔。
后来发现原来真的是认识的！--震环
以前在大学还蛮常跟他打球的。他是帅的咯！
要不是他是中国人又比我小（一点点而已啦），
说不定当时我会放弃暗恋francis来暗恋他。
不过现在francis也有了女朋友，震环还是比我小的中国人。
而且如今我又比较爱$!
所以我要努力挣钱
加油。。。

好了好了！电视的确是看太多了。。。
我要去看DVD 了！=p

2008-04-01T22:06:00.005+08:00

both junior gals & b gals nationals ended for me today.
not an april's fool joke on this april's fool day.

i guess this will be the last time i'm posting for the team of YTSS Cgals'06/B gals '08.
我说过我不再对她们有感觉、讲感情。
但在这最后一场比赛，我又心软了。
这支没良心的球队让我再一次地动摇。
没想到。。。
能再次看到她们的拼劲。
能再次看到她们想赢的心。
能再次看到她们的光芒。
能再次看到她们带着笑容打球。
最后一次的感动。。。
忽然再次惋惜于这支球队减短的旅途。
忽然再次感叹于这支球队应有的成绩。
我气。。。
这支队从不尊重我这教练。
这支队从不为我而战。
这支队总是不相信我。
这支队总是败给自己。

她们要的北区4强我达成她们的梦。
我要的全国8强她们始终没为我圆梦。
唯一的安慰是这支没良心的队给了我漂亮的最后一战。

等等！不行！！我不能再犯同样的错。我不想再心碎一次。我不可以再放我的心给这些没良心的人！坚持呀美莲，心别软！算了,算了。。。

给于自己身为这支没良心的队的教练的成绩：
跟球员的关系=F9
一家人的宗旨=F9
付出的心血=A1
球员的成长=B4
球员的技术=B3
球员的品格=D7
奖牌的总数=1Gold, 1Bronze.

好烂的成绩呀~
做学生的成绩都不曾这么差。
做球员的成绩更不可能这么烂。
想不到20几年的良好成绩会栽在这一回。
不过我林美莲可以失败，但不能失败两次！
我一定会做得更好的！

2008-03-27T12:55:00.000+08:00

going off for my decidin match in half hour's time. Last chance with the sec 4s. Win good, high chance 4 top 8. Lose i oso nothing to say becos i tink they really never put in sweat n effort tis time. I'm sure if today we lose sure is lose to lousy stamina! #10 walkin on court like joe always believe. #6 scare. Not enuff pple to use. But den again mainly i swear is STAMINA! hope i'm wrong althou i'm v confident wif my predictions of games. Gtg b4 i'm late!

2008-03-26T14:15:00.002+08:00

what mood are you most in?

ANGRY!!

you hate stupid people and you are a spaz easy, but its not your fault...its those people!

---------------------------------------

took this quiz in facebook. suppose to be freakly accurate! well..i won't say it's not true. i was laughin away when i saw the analysis! i'm sure u know what i mean...pple who know me well sure be aware that i really have low-tolerance for STUPIDITY or BODOH-NESS.

then again, i better be wary these days when i say this 2words. i don't wanna appear on the newspaper like the poor teacher on newspaper few days ago.

hmm...i tink i'll replace the word 'stupid' with 'coconut'. next time i'll b shouting: freaking hell...how can u b so co-CO-nut! i've never see any1 soooo cooocooonut b4! if u r so coconut, den use ur coconut head to tinkkkk!!!

hahaha~~ self-entertained!!!

being angry always, i thot i'll haf high blood pressure but surprisingly/sadly/unfortunately, i'm down wif severe LOW-BLOOD PRESSURE. on medication if not the blood cannot pump to my heart&lungs den... choy choy choy!!

doc say i still can exercise but i'm so scare not enuff blood pumped to my heart man...still got game on sat. stressed sia!

2008-03-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

ohh!! doesn't this look like my BANANA DAUGHTERS?? so irrrrritaaaatingggg!!! of cos the fatter 1 is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ & the other is _ _ _ _! haha~~

2008-03-12T09:21:00.000+08:00

2008-03-12T00:24:00.000+08:00

2008-03-07T17:04:00.003+08:00

Nationals grouping is out!! we're with UNITY,BEDOK NORTH&SCGS.
NC is always so lucky and got wat i plotted initially: to meet the tie-go huayi which got in!DAMN!

anyway, our's is not too bad a grouping oso la i feel? i tink @ our best, we have 65% chance of winning SCGS and 50% chance of winning BEDOK NORTH. tt's provided we r at our best lah..the sec 4s seems so lazy/tired/unfit to train already and the sec 3s r still so scare to play. how to attain best form this way?? winning UNITY i must say the odds is oni 35%. not becos they r THAT good. it's simply they have 12 players to use while i oni haf 8? sometimes fewer judging from last 2 games. b it any valid reasons, people who r not helping: tricia,siyi, valerie,joyce, jieying sometimes psm,sandra,lydia. the rest so far i'm satisfied wif their performances. nothing to mind abt them. in short, if i can make them attain BEST form in 1week, i tink getting into TOP8 may not b a dream?

well, if i don't win UNITY or get into top8 this time, who knows i may not have the chance to in at least the near further? if everything goes as planned and i hafta leave s'pore, then perhaps this gonna my LAST B div, LAST C div, LAST junior girls& boys. if this is the last, regrets will be junior boys not getting into nationals and my all-time prioritised YTSS didn't get as good result as i expected this yr. if this is my last, i'm glad at least i didn't mislead my girls&boys. it's always comforting to see them mature & getting more guai. if this is my last, definitely parting with my teams will be the hardest thing for me. but who knows, if this is my last, many may joy?

ok...don't tink abt uncertainty 1st. i've more certain,important things on hand which is B div nationals, junior girls nationals and last but not least C div to create a history for KSS gals.
加油TEAMS, 加油 BEE!

2008-03-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

Clement told WRS boys: u all don't show that you all want to get into Nat'l top4

Joe described JWSS loss: sometimes, the GENERAL wants 2 fight but the warriors doesn't 1 2.

Bee despaired over YTSS r/s:GENERAL fought, Warriors fought but our hearts fought too.

我想‘家家（队队）有本难念的经吧’。

i suppose we r just 3 coaches who believe so very strongly in our teams. i suppose the results don't always disappoint us but the team's performances will. i suppose we r more concerned abt our players than our parents r concerned abt us.

i'm sure every player wanted to fight as hard as we do but just don't know what's stopping them. maybe we can never understand becos we've never been through that. like coaches can never agree with referees, maybe players can never understand with why we ask for so much unless they wanted so much for themselves too.

HANG IN THERE COACHES!! WE MUST JIA YOU 2! DON'T GIVE UP!

**我还会有机会摆回棋子吗？**

2008-03-01T13:14:00.002+08:00

i thought this yr is suppose 2 b a gd career yr for chicks. but apparently it isn't a gd 1 for me...esp for the NZ. it's true we achieved our top4 target & got into nationals(this is wat i expected anyway) but bloody hell we lost to the 3=i=most=hated=schools.
we had damn bad luck, so we lost to anderson. =\
we didn't fight hard, and we lost to AI. =(
we fought hard, but we lost to nan chiau. =~(
i really thot the girls have all it takes to win anderson&NC. i'm confident to take them on too. i had it all planned as far as 1yrs 6mths 27days back. but of cos, things don't go smoothly 4 me as usual. i didn't manage to make them all peak mentality. i didn't manage to get them to work 1 heart s me, some i even feel their heart is away from me. i didn't take care of them enuff to even have a full team for this tournament. maybe they'll never noe how strong they actualli can b FULL FORCE, FULL HEARTS.
i admit, i'm very dependant on some of them and i'm disappointed they couldn't b there to fight with me.
of cos i'm sad...it's 1.5yrs of dreams shattered. it's like giving EVERYTHING to ur 1st child and see her fail in life. or rather seeing myself fail.
当所有心血付出流水时，这感觉是难以形容的失落、难过、心痛。。。
fortunately, there's still something comforting this season. i'm very happy to c that my 2 'cars' didn't punk-cek @ 2nd quarter 5:18mins anymore.1 car i'm so worried she won't start engine...in the end i feel she's the oni engine working. the other car's engine seems to b spoilt few games back..luckily she proved that she's still working well. =)
i oso feel the good spirit of some least expected.
THANK　ＹＯＵ！
for the rest, it's never too late to start engine. there's still the nationals although i'm realli at a loss s in whether they still 1 2 fight onot. i don't even noe how sad/how well the gals r taking this setback. maybe lao-heng is rite...i failed in communicating wif my gals. i dun understand ｔｈｅｍ　at all. i oni noe i just wanted something better for them that i had but maybe i never realli know wat they realli wanted?
it's definitely tougher as a coach than a player. suddenly i feel like callin my coaches to thank them for who i m today.

2008-02-24T15:27:00.005+08:00

SAD BUT TRUE

连续6天早起，晚上脑子又无控地烦着下星期三的比赛。真的觉得既累又无劲。。。
跟春娣谈了很久。真的有很多感触。。。

累
我知道大家都很累。辛苦值不值得真的只有自己知道。唯一可以肯定的是曾经努力付出过的人应该都不会后悔吧？其实，我也很累、真得很累。说真的，当你做的一切努力被漠视时，那是对精神的一大折磨呀！春娣说，唯一可以阻止球员上球场的人只有他们自己；唯一可以直接控制球队的胜利是球员不是教练。你要但你的球员不做你也没办法。如果你的付出球员看不到那就算了，不要一直耿耿于怀、责怪自己。或许你们就是没有缘，或许你就是要学会舍弃，把精神放去别的球队/东西上？
亏欠
如果你觉得你对不起的只是你的队友，如果你觉得你只需要对你的队友有所交待，那我真的觉得你太对不起我了。每次把你包括在我的计划当中时，你总是会发生状况。每一次我都被你耍但每一次我都再相信你。我真得好傻！
利用
当你觉得自己被利用的时候你会继续被利用吗？不难觉得自己被球员利用了。有事时就对我很好，没事时就当我没有，甚至还整天给我一张不爽的脸、不尊重的态度。我又没做错什么也没得罪她们。为了什么我要像欠她们的？为什么我还要对她们那么好呢？如果所作的一切不得要领，那就算了吧。就当自己花了3年来认清自己的球员吧。我真的好天真。

我敢说用心用意教球我做到了。为了我的球队，我付出一切、我问心无愧。春娣说: 如果我觉得自己很笨，那是因为我出至于新加坡最笨但又最热爱篮球的教练。她说
我和她都那么聪明。但她也笨笨做教练的副教练十几、二十年了。我们每次都说教练笨，被球员欺负/利用但我们也笨笨步了她的后尘。如今教练比我们聪明了！她不教球了。每天快快乐乐。仅剩我俩还笨笨地在被球员欺！

**春娣一直叫我不要教球了。我问回她：那你也不要教啦！我们都静了。教也难，不教跟难！我俩都知道让我们不教的理由很多，但让我们继续的理由也不少。下次再继续吧。

2008-02-17T23:15:00.004+08:00

PRICE FOR PRIDE&GLORY= SEVERE BACK PAIN!! =(

went play ball in the evening. back problem is bad enuff liao..still have someone to get on my nerve. make me play until 'fa pi qi' & in the end still being scolded by BS for being 'very bad'.

i'm sorry even in juz a play ball session my attitude is to PLAY2WIN!!!
i'm sorry i juz can't stand ur attitude in playing basketball. if u r too scare, too low-confidence, too slow, too stupid, too lousy then at least work hard la. i'm ok wif u making mistakes and not making the basket and too slow for the opponent but at least remedy ur mistakes la. hiding behind pple do wat sai? pretend to be not 'there' is so irresponsible la!!
if not u don't work, if not u r blocking the way so extra. don't 1 pass u the ball u like so useless...pass u the ball u go find the defender. if not i qie u block my path. if not fastbreak u block me s if i'm ur opponent. wah piangz!!
if u r too scare, too low-confidence, too slow, too stupid, too lousy & not working hard den don't play bball la!! i don't care if u have improved. to me on court every1 is the same. if u r on my team u beta match up the standard. if u r not on my team i'll bully u. i wont show mercy juz becos u r too scare, too low-confidence, too slow, too stupid, too lousy esp in a game.
FUCK YOU LAH!! becos of u...BS bu shuang me. i oso buay song cos i dont tink i'm in the wrong!!
KNSKNSKNS! KNNKNNKNN!!CCBCCBCCB!
*bleah*

2008-02-16T22:47:00.000+08:00

went 2 play 4 chilli peppers agst comets(tt pig,SINdy's team). Excl those ang mor's, it's like the national team in battle 3~4yrs ago. On our side we haf xueling,yuni,yao2&me(long time since i play wif them again). On their side beside that pig they haf zhoulei&yunyun. Den their got tis super ang mor giant. I tink she's 1.9m lor since zhoulei alr 1.87m liao. Den they got tis musclewoman!
Den the game began n we still hafta gif them 4pts for not wearin the right jerseys. Kowz!
I tink my rebound is power today man. Despite fightin agst 1.9,1.87 n yao(1.86),i still got alot.
BLOCK-OUT RULEZZZ!!! AND PLAYIN SMART ROCKZZZ!!
however punk-cek suckzzz!! I wanted 2 play s long s i can but really no strength man. Boxing out the 2giants is tiring! But luckily i recovered v fast. Like I say b4,agst pig i sure hot 1!! &the theory is still proven right. 1pt of time she was man-markin me. Siao.. Such a mismatch. Shortie 1 guard me! Maybe u'll b taller if u r STRAIGHT? But too bad u r CROOKED!
The important thing is we won! By 2 or 3pts i tink? Den i ask them: 'we win tis game got effect on the results?' they told me:'no.. Juz pride&glory. Haa.. We caused their 1st lost in the league.' i was like.. Haa.. Yeah, PRIDE & GLORY! PLAY THE PIG!! Happy!

2008-02-16T13:27:00.001+08:00

woke up @ 6am & left house in the dark to meet wrs boys for breakfast. 4 came in time to b eligible for a treat fr me. But the rest turned up eventually. It's gd feelin. I've spend little quality time wif them recently & finally today got chance. Aft breakfast, went bk sch to train.
Only trained 2hrs cos needa go ytss for frenly agst kaixuan. However they weren't strong enuff 2 simulate s AI. Somehow, i feel our pple like v afraid of that idiot bung. Does tis means half the battle lost?

2008-02-13T18:51:00.005+08:00

2 of my targets set for this yr met! YTSS B gals into top 4(and i expect top3!) in NZ and de la salle junior gals 3rd in WZ. yeah~ =D
1 target not met which is unity boys...out in 2nd rd. =(
outcome of KSS C gals still uncertain.
weird feelin..i think i shld b feelin happy for such achievements. well, i m feelin good&proud on the result wise but somehow i'm not that happy in terms of emotions. i achieve the goals in terms of results but i feel i didn't achieve much in my other aspects like having the team acting like a family, taking care of their well-being etc etc. i don't know whether it's becos i'm having lesser n lesser time for such things or did my passion juz died.
even KSS, the 1 team where i find comfort and enjoy going to coach no longer behaves the way they used to b anymore. they r making me angry more than usual n i feel more n more distance from them somehow..=(
at YTSS, becos of freaking incidents i tink me&sec 4s went back to the not-so-good relationship again. conflicts,misunderstanding,different pt of views is tearing us apart. the oni thing left holding us togther i guess is our common dream.
let's b fair..i tink sec3s improved n matured alot..juz that the sad thing is last time i haf more players. now i seemed to haf fewer n fewer..
sianzzz...sianzz...sianzz...off to dart...eat some food...drink some beer..4get some sorrows...KO!!

2008-02-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i invited pple to my house. i remember the last time was ling+jia+lingqin they all coming to visit me in my cast.(so long me&lq r not even frenz anymore). today i open up my invitations to all my players. so glad to c those who turned up turned up. i hope u enjoyed the popiahs. i'm sorry if my house is too boring 4 u. i dun usually haf fun @ home u c..but i'll try to make it beta next time la.maybe at least buy some games for the psp n ps2 so u all can play games and not juz having the consoles. haa..

but realli can c the contrast in my 2schools gals man. Borrriing vs ACTIVE, very shy vs buay paiseh, obeying vs domineering. but 1 similarity:both schools gals oso bully me!! =p still my seniors sayang me more lor. talkin abt senior..tt cass oso very funny. say 1 bring yu-sheng 4 me to eat..den i make every1 wait 4 her yu-sheng to lo-hei. in the end she came wif yu-ci!! chinese still s lousy can!!

boy, i really miss my kss seniors!!i know i gonna miss my ytss seniors too(even thou they not so attached to me)!! and i'll definitely treasure my current batches.
may we haf more happy&quality&fun&fulfilled&glorious time together ok!

CNY over..time to work hard pple!! NZ b gals semis,finals&nationals and WZ c gals. we muz make our dreams come true k. MIRACLE!

2008-02-09T02:48:00.000+08:00

i knew i complain abt how boring CNY can be...but i didn't expect things to b so dramatic today.
1stly have been eating since i wake. from my house to ping's house to pauline's house to pq's house.
at ping's hse she told me silas's fren gave birth to the 1st rat baby so she's gonna visit. den @ pauline's house i thot i entered gamble village. the whole corridor filled wif mahjong tables and inside the house all cards table. didn't gamble there but had long talk wif her. was shocked to find her she divorced her husband becos he's using violence! wth!
den went to pq's hse. black-jacked. =.='' at 1 round i was winning $500+ then the next moment i'm losing $250, $200+,$250. so sianz..i'm now -$400 for the new yr! shit!! nvm..po cai xiao zhai, po cai xiao zhai!!
then ah-hui came and say downstairs got pple having sex openly..me&pf chiong to watch. i was shocked! shocked that the 2of them actually did it at the downstairs rubbish chute collection point. not smelly meh? and there so many rats running abt lor..strange pple!!
mahjonged after all decided to go home. i thot it'll be beta too cos blackjack realli win fast lose fast! who knows suddenly R called to say pf and him quarrelled and pf gg crazy. so we rushed down to her hse and she really went crazy...like possessed. i supposed becos she drank alot b4 that la..still want cheers and cheers wif me..haiyoh. but i guess she's most true when she's drunk and fuck that R for bullying his wife!! really looked down on him! so sad to see what happened to my fren and when i'm so close to them. she was cryin, the mum and sis were crying. R i really think u deserved to be CASTRATED man!!
dramatic day. better sleep now. still nid pack up tmr for sunday for them to come.
i must fan ben!!!
=) =) =) =) =) =)=) =) =) =) =) =)

2008-02-09T02:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY!!
like i say..i knew this rat yr is gonna b better. started CNY wif the gd news of wanling coming to YTSS! yea~~
1st day of CNY was boring s usual. luckily went cousin's hse and managed to catch them! make it less boring. but it felt quite weird when big cousin carry her girl give me ang bao. i guess tt's becos we both know we zhang da le!
came home and managed to meet up with my dearest meilin-lu jie jie. it's like so much we nid to talk abt but too bad i rushing off to mahjong. =p
not very smooth with $ though. 1st day down $200 liao...sucks!

BORING!

2008-02-06T10:17:00.000+08:00

=( my unity boys lost..so close to top4 yet so far from it. :~(
everything strategised nicely liao..the only thing is the boys never follow!! dunno whether they r nervous or scare or bu ting hua or STUPID!
angry! really cannot stand why my players r so STUPID! ok..i mean NOT SMART(cos zelia's dad say 'stupid' is a mean word!)!
y the hell i'm such a witty player/coach but my players never 'inherit' any of my trait! is they cannot think or i didn't teach them to think?? urgghhh~i realli cannot stand stupid pple!!
well..1 more team out for achievement. now left my hopes for YTSS 'B', DLS juniors & KSS 'C'(yet another not so smart team!). but i'm glad all these teams r playing their games after CNY s i think the PIG's year is really a sway sway year for me! Lost ALot of $ nevermind, all my teams kenna the worst groupings, n i fell down and scratched knee which never happen for like the longest time la. jia say the RAT year is going to b gd for chickens so i'm looking forward to it. i suppose the hard work r in i juz need that little bit of luck to boost me up!!
1 MORE DAY TO MY SWAYNESS! 1 MORE DAY TO GOOD LUCK!! YEAH~~

btw banana daughter, if u read this, relay this message to ur team. u all r behind time and my planning. i need u all to buck up more. banana mommy is sorry but i really need to focus on ytss side 1st. however that doesn't mean u all shld stop progressing/fighting hard. it's my fault i neglect u all but it cannot b an excuse for u all to b playing worse. train hard, play SMART! i really don't know y u all so not-smart. can u all not b so not-smart? or at least tel me y u all not-smart so i can try to make u all smart?

i received a complain for scolding player. my 1st complain letter. sucks! i used to believe i can coach w/o scolding my players s i shld haf taught them to b mature enough to think...but i'm scolding more than usual recently. m i getting more bad-tempered? r they unable to meet my expectations? or they never learn if i don't scold? or they deserved to b scolded? m i turning into those coaches who control their teams military style? r my principles lost? suckss!! =(

2008-02-05T02:59:00.000+08:00

wat a rush rush day today...
1stly rushed to clementi for kss's match. den 3rd quarter(sadly after i left, kss from lead to lose...c how important i m! =p)left for de la salle's match(won!)...den rushed down to ytss's trainin(not realli wat i planned)...when dinner den rushed to send them back from sembawang to chongpang to yishun to katib den rushed down to spartan(late to meet johnsonn for 1.5hrs!xp)...who knows reach thr eric told me 1 go to the pub @ sembawang..diaoz..den when all the way back to sembawang and finally back home!
sorry sot to leave u all behind at tanjong pagar...but i'm shiok winning johnsonn&eric in pool! eric hao lian ah..tink he can help johnsonn challenge me.too bad i m not lousy! haha!white-washed johnsonn in darts too(told u i will blog 4 u to c & me to rememeber de!! =p)
siao havent buy clothes! but i dun even feel like gg out during cny! i nid to sleep,think,eat,plan,mahjong,shit,stratgise,blackjack,drink,dart more den sitting @ pple's house rot!!

2008-02-03T14:43:00.000+08:00

the curse of the injuries has extended from my players to myself! Had 2 games in a day. 1stly wif the U18s. Early early in the match kena right hand liao. Not like damn serious but slightly affected my day. cannot catch/finish ball aft which, can't compete in darts at nite, can't use the chopsticks. 2nd game wif the bucks. That canada center is power man but damn smelly! Attack my breast when she couldn't get me off her on defense. But worst thing is she kneed my v big blue-black.can kill man.
But seriously, I tink i'm really sway la. Ytss from anticipated zhen men became fu men to meet AI earlier den i expect. Den unity pri fought so hard to b zhen men, in the end the 2nd rd draw sway like hell! End up i may get kicked out while the fu men in my team sure get into top 4!
I really hope my luck will change in the end yr of rat man! Heng semis aft CNY!
FINALLY, i got 1 whole sunday 2 sleep! Haf been sleepin 4hrs a day from wed!
Really in no mood 4 CNY man! I wish i can stay at home n don't go visitin. 1stly, haven't buy clothes. 2ndly, aft CNY gotta prepare for semis for 2teams at least.. My brain sure can't stop workin de.
I need 2 rest rest rest!

2008-02-01T07:49:00.000+08:00

oh ya! I ate the NICEST BAO ever last nite!! It's 1 'you xin de bao'! thank u! ;)

2008-02-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

i tink 1 simple word can express my(our) feeling right now:HAPPY!

still feeling really happy even though it has been 7hrs since we won Christ church & affirm our placing in NZ top4! happy, happy, HAPPY!

didn't sleep well last night. the brain can't seem to stop thinking. no appetite for the whole day.
lady luck still not smiling to us. psm injured her hand, tricia n val still can't play 100%.
but we are lucky enough those who played, played their best.
those who played their best didn't give up.
when the game ended, suddenly i feel so tired&HUNGRY!(hafta thanks candy/yp for the pocky!)

say already mah...must believe BEE!! BEE believe in the team! those who realise they haven't believe BEE earlier, it's still not too late to believe BEE now. everyone may be satisfied already now we are in top4. BEE respect the team's decison of how we'll procced from this stage onwards. we can play 5 more games or we want play more? the team will decide. BEE just want to let the team know this: BEE believe if we still want to fight, we'll still be the toughest opponent around!

anyway, no need to rush into thinkin about anything 1st. rejoice for the weekend! enjoy the fruits of our hardwork.celebrate this victory! feel proud of the team, feel proud of our dream, feel proud achieving our dream.

happyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappy

BEE'S TEAM WILL STAND STRONG AS A TEAM!

BRING IT ON OPPONENT(S)

WE'LL 'JIANG JUN' YOU!!

WE'LL CONQUER!!

2008-01-29T22:41:00.000+08:00

Lost 6 points to Anderson! WTH~~
haiii..so can win them 1 lor! but lady luck doesn't seem to be on our side at all. lastly there's a big hoo-haa abt the referees..den the referees r finally fixed. we started off beautifully...then yingpei sprain...valerie sprain..yingpei sprain again..n candy bled! ren suan bu ru tian suan. from tricia to yingpei to valerie...i feel so cursed! did i like curse my own team?
wasted game..we all know we can take them 1!
psm,sandra,siyi,candy stop being too hard on urselves..u all played very well today already(juz need better finishings).
yingpei, valerie fought well la(juz not long enough)!
lydia,joyce,yahui did their part too(juz not tough enough).
tricia,peiyi,jieying supported hard outside(s much s they wished they can contribute).

i had a mixed feeling today. really really happy that finally(like my wish come true) my team is playing HARD TOGETHERs a TEAM! 1st time i feel so strongly our desire to win from every player! i was like so certain we'll win lor.
really really sad we lost ultimately. i know u gals realli realli fought hard this time. but our luck is really down. suddenly our man fell..one by one..

well for all those who r still blaming themselves, i tink we shld move on from here. WE DIDN'T LOSE...not yet! we juz lost the chance to b top on the table. but we cannot lose again ok!! i really don't 1 2 lose. Finally i really feel all my efforts to mould the team s 1 is showing results. everybody is like in the right spirit now. every player is sensible enough to think for the team now. everything is like PERFECT now! so pls, pls, pls!! we cannot let this end ok!!(if not i may cry leh!) =p

therefore...

CHRIST CHURCH!! bring it on!! YISHUN TOWN IS READY FOR U!! WE'LL AND WE MUST WIN THIS GAME!!!

2008-01-27T01:08:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, i'm quite confident my dls junior gals can get in WZ top 4! too bad i can't b ard 4 their 1st match on thu but i've got a more impt&crucial 1 to attend to.
my unity junior boys won their game yest. today wanted me to teach them more strategies. haa...so cute they all. ben ben but cute! mr neo treat us to mac for winning the 1st game. free lunch man!!
napped 3hrs to cover for my 4hrs sleep last nite.went to YG's wedding dinner..relunctantly. s i expected, it was boring! worse when keagan pester joe to go home cos he's tired aft being so involved. 1st time i c 5yr old shout yam-seng! haa..

THANKS JOE FOR THE PRECIOUS ADVICES,CONCERNS FOR ME & HAVING SO MUCH FAITH IN MY YTSS. i noe he'll always tel me the right things to do and believe unlike...He hinted me someone trying to 'xxxx' me but ask me to clarify after the tournament. ''now the important thing is to focus on the games right? don't bother abt all other external factors. don't let it affect u or ur team. s long s u noe wat u r doing is right, juz do it & show to others u r right!''. yea man..i will rem this de. thx 4 being realli supportive. ;)
it's funny..i'll always ask abt his fidelia while he'll always ask abt my apple.
fari told me kss b gals r highly-spirited and lookin 4ward to mon's game. sometimes i realli wish kss can have also ytss's talent and ytss can have also kss's mentality. but i'm sorry i gotta sacrifice u all on thu too.
many ALL-MUST-WIN games coming week. ytss vs anderson&christ church, unity privs teckwhye,rulang,st anthony pri. i tink i'll lose alot of sleep!

so in debt. own mum:$150, hp bill:$200,ah-hui-$520,li cheng:$1700. let me strike 4d please!! =p

2008-01-16T00:03:00.000+08:00

Thanks KRAN-JIANS c gals for this lovely card!! very nice, very sweet! too bad the rain made it a little imperfect. but izzit that juz well? all of us r imperfect anyway. i'm an imperfect coach & u r all imperfect players. however, the perfect thing is you r willing to fight for me & therefore i'm willing to fight for u. ;) althou u can't promise me a top 4, but i can promise you i'll do all i can to get u into top 4! we jia you k! let's fight to become a remarkable fearless team! =)

although u all had nothing to do at all for my emo-ness but i know you all r trying very hard to help me get out of it. thanks for the concern and i'm happy to say i'm much much beta already.
BEE has revived & is all passionate and enthusiastic to fight for my teams again. this low-peak has allowed me to b enlightened abt alot of things. it really let me sort out my emotions well and most importantly let me realise sometimes i've really overlooked matters/players which shld b more important and over concern over matters/players that ain't that important.

YTSS b gals startin next mon. fixtures scheduled s i wanted it to b. nice! i'm feeling lucky already(muz b we zai yu zhong lang man and all our bad luck washed away!)! i really feel things are going my/our way now! players puttin in more effort, waking up,more daring,more connections, more DESIRES are all good signs. trust me...keep the heart there. things will go smooth for us de. buddha will bless us de.

KSS b gals starting next next mon. remember, we muz finish the game no matter wat! no giving up!!

KSS c gals sec 1s intake looks gd. althou thr's no ready-product for us, but i feel those gals seem rather keen. sec 2s, let this 1/2 year be fruitful! overcome all ur fears! we r gg to make 1/2 feels like 2yrs. not becos miserable time passes slow but becos we r gg to train 4x s hard s others!!

2008-01-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

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2008-01-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

2008-01-15T22:27:00.003+08:00

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2008-01-15T22:27:00.001+08:00

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2007-12-31T23:29:00.000+08:00

new year is like a deja vu to me. hadn't i done these things last week too?
went to scgs bbq. wonder y i'm there? 1stly, baoling invited me. 2ndly, i used to have close contacts with the seniors last time. was 1 of their sparring partner with the national champ team few years back. i cant believe how time flies...those girls r so big now. all in uni, all taller, all more mature and ALL DRIVING!! but y do peishan and i still seems the same? did we not grow? or did we juz grow stagnant?
EAT EAT EAT! FAT FAT FAT! OMG OMG OMG!
_____________________________________________________________

resolutions for 2008:
work hard-i want to stop being poor!!
coach hard-this year is important/special to me. last time maybe?
play hard-haf been very passive in '07. gonna live life to the fullest this yr on.
train hard-it's now or never. i'm going back into competitve bball. my last try. no regrets.

targets for 2008:
business-establish a better base for my printing business.
coaching-1) YTSS B girls'08: NZ top3
2) KSS C girls '08: WZ top4
2) de la salle pri junior girls '08: WZ top3
3) unity pri junior boys '08: WZ top4
**ranked in level of desire.
bballer-train hard to be able to play my best and not be bounded by physical weaknesses.
darter-reach rating 7.
spend more time wif family&frenz.
help more pple.

2007-12-31T15:22:00.000+08:00

Towards the team, I clearly know i had let my heart ruled over my head. I tried not to b so emotionally involved but i can't seem 2 control. I guess everything has a breakdown point and i'm so afraid mine will b soon...

2007-12-31T12:49:00.000+08:00

i talked to oqx only to realise she seems to have big problems herself too.
i turned to chun di only to find out she was troubled herself as her captain n vice captain have to quit the team becos they retained.
i sms sweet only to suspect she's sleeping.
i msn nasty apple and was certain she's talking hen.

juz finished watching 'pay it forward'. finally managed to find the disc at some ulu cd shop after looking for it for so long yest. the story was abt a very sweet 12yrs old boy, trevor, did all he could within his very limited power trying to fix things right for the world around him. his big plan to help someone and expect the person to help another 3 person and pay it forward was perfect but mankind is so hopeless sometimes that he gave up in the end. however, when he saw his classmate nids help, he couldn't not help.in his this last attempt to give it a last shot to his theory, he died while trying to protect his classmate when the bully stabbed him. a true story. he was remembered by many in america. the question ultimately was: can u fix pple??

a very meaningful show however with some depressing effect to b watched by a depressed person. even if i can right very thing on court, can i ever right players' mentality and attitude? i can fix a pass, a lay-up, a strategy but will i ever be able to fix a player's heart and passion? will i end up like trevor?

2007-12-31T10:13:00.000+08:00

i remember i was so emotionally unstable once too was a few yrs back when i was still an active bball player where bball/team is my priority.
back then, i was totally vexed, totally affected.
vexed becos i care. affected becos it matters.
back then,
the team's problem would be my problem, sacrificing was never an issue.
i trusted the team whole-heartedly on/off court, but their trust in me was always in doubt.
i was emotionally attached to my team, oni to be totally emotionally affected by my team.
i gave away my heart, i got back betrayal.
suddenly i feel lost. lost becos the most important thing in my life turned agst me. lost becos the most important thing in my life
i told myself this before, ''don't you ever be so foolish again'', ''don't live for the team again'', ''never make team ur priority in life again'', ''never let ur heart rule your head again'' .

today, i am experiencing the same ordeal all over again. i cannot imagine how foolish i am. yet i can't remember since when the team had became so important to me considering all those nasty things that they had done to me. also i can't understand y the team had become so important to me since they are never very kind to me.
i always know i have high hopes for the team, i just didn't expect to have big setbacks from them. i never expect them to reciprocate, i just don't expect them to retaliate.
i'm lost. i lost trust, faith, beliefs not in the team but myself. my way、 my principles、 my style doesn't seem to work out good & now i struggle whether to stick to them or adopt way、principles、style i've never agreed with.
i don't know who to believe anyway and i can't seem to rely on anyone.
someone said:
leave the team & get away for awhile...can i?
don't be so nice to the team anymore...can i?
i shld not allow frenship to override basic respects that i shld b given.
i shld b more firm and not b taken for granted.
i shld not allow myself to b emotionally attached and affected by the team.
i don't have to do more than coach basketball.

it's seems that no matter what i do will be wrong. if not rebutted. if not argued. if not bargained. y can't they juz do things willingly? y can't they understand it's for their own good?

i'm so confused now. i don't even have the confident to do anything now. i'm afraid when i talk i'll say things that will b used to throw back into my face again. i'm afraid when i do things it's like forcing pple to swallow nails.
so i shall not talk..so i shall not act..
i shall be heartless..i shall be evil..
i shall draw the line.. i shall not be taken for granted..
i shall not put in feelings..i shall be firm..
i shall not b a fren..i shall be stranger..

2007-12-31T04:34:00.000+08:00

Went neo’s place for zi char. Had some fabulous food wif some fabulous frenz. After which, we went to somewhr near cosybay and found a gd spot for the fireworks. We played with my mini mahjong while eating ‘hamster food’ and drinking ribena. Actually they were all glad that we were thr. The place was really a gd place for viewing fireworks. 1st of all it’s romantic. 2ndly, it’s not crowed @ all. 3rdly there’s place to park car & u don’t hafta walk much.
But don’t know y, some part of me feels like going into the crowd. I miss the squeezing and pushing. I miss being in the crowd…
I always have this thought: how cool is it to be able to meet someone u noe among several thousands of pple? Yet how sad is it that sometimes among several thousand of pple u still miss meeting pple u noe?
Last yr I met several pple while squeezing my way through the damn crowded esplanade underpass. This yr I had no hassle in getting a place while I meet no one.
Gains and losses this is. Fate this is.
Anyway, this yr’s firework is nice. Standing under the peaceful sky with the spectacular fireworks, I really wish 2008 will be a better year for me.

Make my way down to Spartan after that. The games were over. There were fighting. It was chaotic. People left. The pub was dead. I can’t stand being so boring anymore so I started messaging everyone I could think of who may b partying. In the end, either they r working, leaving for home, at home, drunk already. Wth…so I stayed at Spartan for some red wine..BORING! so I left after more red wine. BORING!

2008, will it be a better year for me?

2007-12-31T02:51:00.000+08:00

wth! it's not even worthwhile!
becos of a person who's not even important anymore, i've sacrificed other more(most) important things.
i'm firm that i'm not the cause of the problem but i'm sure i've cause the problem to affect everybody.
it's really mine bad this time...

some say drinking drown all sorrows.
i say drinking makes me pee alot!
it's a mockery.
when u wish urself to b drunk, u are so sober with ur problems.
when u nid urself to b sober to resolve problems, u r drunk by emotions.

2007-12-31T02:00:00.000+08:00

alrite, let’s talk abt regrets today.
I tink so far these r the worst setbacks for me s long s I’m a coach.

My 1st setback
KSS B div’06 west zone: I always believe it’s bad timing for us. Our 'journey' only lasted 2months (but our relationship seems many years). I went kss too late while they left kss too early.These gals have the most desire to excel. They never stop fighting at all on and off court. They were my 1 and only team so far that I see 12 pple wanting to win so much as a team. It’s like everyone is on court themselves.
I tink if not for these gals, I’ll not coach using my heart. I might not even b passionate abt coaching at all too. They asked me to create a miracle for them and they made me want to create a miracle for them. At that point of time, all of us believe we could really create miracle. We were strong becos all of us are fighting with 1 heart to create that miracle. Alas, we didn’t create any miracle. However, we were applauded by everyone present at the court for the fight we put up. No one thought we could put up a gd fight but we did. We lost but we’ve no regrets at all. We left but we were always remembered by many as KSS B gals’ 06.

My 2nd setback
YTSS C div’06 nationals:
This team is like my 1st baby. The 1st team I took over when I started off as a full-time coach. My 1st 5+(1) players: ong yingpei, candytook, psm, triciatan, Valerie + jassimidan. I’ve put in a lot of effort in this team and they r always my priority. Unfortunately, them being less receptive towards me had always undermine our progress. Nevertheless, we made our mark in NZ ’06.
When in nationals, I’ve high confidence of going into top8. However, some of them seems rather enough with top16. by the time they wanna fight, it’s already too late.
Til now, I still believe this regret is not brought abt by skills/tactics but more to them being resistance to me, lousy team spirit/bonding, tinkin too lowly of themselves & low/no desire to win. Therefore, we shld always regret this cos we didn’t lose to opponent but ourselves. Really, we could have gone so far if they have more faith in themselves and me…really..

My 3rd setback
To be filled…hopefully not..

2007-12-31T01:58:00.000+08:00

specially for my BANANA DAUGHTER NO.2

thanks! This really is a booster for me at this worst moment of mine.

if u gals r willing to fight, i promise i'll fight hard wif u all. results is important to school but not me. wat's important to me is we muz finish the game wif no regrets!

dong shi abit k..don't b like the other side...tormenting me bad & killing me alive. they used to b my pride but now i'm so afraid they’ll become my GREATEST REGRETS.

pls don't follow their footsteps hor. don't let me fight alone ok? reciprocate by showing me ur efforts n desires to win! i've high hopes for ur team too. so don't dash my hopes k. jia you! work hard! will concentrate on u gals aft I’m done wif my b div.

meanwhile, don’t slack!! U might b surprised I wont blow my top recently cos I EMO-in. But beta don’t try anything funny cos I’ll b EVIL again once I get over my depression!! Muahahaha~~(evil laughs)

2007-12-31T01:49:00.000+08:00

joyce tink i don't believe them. But do they know i didn't went back 2 check on them but instead hoping 2 c some happy scenes. But sadly.. Wat i saw is not wat i hope.
i know i'm abit out of control recently! I screwed all my relationships wif my players! I'm givin up @ the most crucial moment and i'm leavin them in the lurch. but, I'm not hatin them definitely.(S if i would?)
Players have always been my concern the day i became coach. I always wanted 2 gif them my best n i'm guilty for not being the best. Many i have considered 2 become my frenz and who don't know how much i treasure frenship? But i tink i'm really losin it & losin them. I don't know y all my concerns and intentions came out harsh from my mouth.
Who will know? It's tormentin coachin them, but it's even worse not coachin them!! It's frustatin talkin 2 them but it's even worse not talkin 2 them. It's agonizing to c them trailin but it's even worse seein them give up.
Ok, let's b true. I don't not wish for wat i'm not doing. In fact i've lots lots lots of things that i wanna do wif them. I've more things 2 share wif them s i grow. But the saddest thing is our interactions is not 4ever! Time flies.. 2+yrs will b over in no time. I really hope 2 c them grow into a gd players n gd person.

2007-12-31T01:35:00.000+08:00

maybe tis is not a gd yr 4 many coaches. S far s i noe, nygs&angelican high's coaches suspended their b gals trainings due 2 sucky players attitudes. Chun di might lose her job in ajc becos of some unreasonable player wif unreasonable parents complainin her 4 makin fail her promo exams. wth! Y ain't teachers responsible for academic results? Like if there's no cca, s if the students gg 2 study the whole afternoon thro evenin! If u can't cope, simply don't b a sportsperson la. A sportsman is all abt discipline. If u r not discipline enough 2 manage ur time den go join something else! Y blame us?!?! Y shld we b responsible??!! Maybe coaches who don't care r the best. At least, i tink they'll live longer..

2007-12-28T11:42:00.000+08:00

my dreams for the team:
frankly, i'm realistic. i don't have the biggest dream for ytss 'o8 and i know no one can grow taller/stronger overnight. it's only my dream that all of them can play up to their standard. now, many of them r still bounded by alot of things (not enough desire, unwillingness to give their all, never put in their best effort to play, fear of opponent, afraid to try, no communication etc etc.) that's deterring them from performing at their best and at the team's best.
i want this team to make a comeback and show the world their capability @ their best. this dream is in me for 1yr plus. in fact this dream has never grow smaller for me at all despite all the negative comments i've heard all around. despite many bad games, our games with cedar, yuying, zhonghua & rj have prove as evidences of my belief in the team. i never could bring myself to give up on this team no matter how bad situations are. i never could bring myself to give up on this dream no matter how pple think i'm naive. now i can only pray that my players can make my dreams come true.

my nightmares for the team:
parents and school pressure have always been factors that's hindering us from dreaming. but seeing the players giving up in themselves and in games is my nightmare. nothing can be worse than giving the game away ourselves. it's nobody's fault that there's a loose ball and u don't fight for it, u don't jump to the rebounds, u don't go for the ball, u don't clinch the ball strong enough and opponents stripped it off, u miss pass, u never chase back a turnover. it's nobody's fault but your's.
1yr plus back when we lost to dunman&zhonghua, it has been a nightmare for me when everything ended. but this time it will be the worst nightmare for me if everything ends cos i know this will be the last time for revenge. this is my last reunion with this team. and when things end this time, it will be THE END. we can never get back again. therefore, if there's 1 thing i fear, i'll say this nightmare is my greatest fear.

2007-12-28T11:38:00.000+08:00

Had 2 days camp wif ytss. I wanted tis camp to b a better and happier 1 initially. (Well, this camp means smth to me cos like this is the last 1 that we might have?) However, it started off bad wif pple not sleeping and dragging themselves there. Shortly, pple started falling sick. GLAD some pple finally come back yet sad to see how much they had deteriorated. Had my fair share of entertainment seeing them all excited over their bets yet I wonder they catch the real objectives I wan them to observe. Had my revenge informally yet I doubt they can feel my desire to revenge in the actual thing.
Day 1 ended…

Edmund did me a big favour coming down wif his girls wif my less den 24hrs emergency request. The 1st 2 quarters were still ok but as 3rd quarter came along…anger started to built up within me. And anger turned into worries and worries turned into desperation. His words spot me right. ‘Worried abt ur team?’ he said. Well ya, very worried...seems like they had not reached the standard that I wanted and here I am wif my last day of trainin. I know we shld b there but we r not thr yet!! I know most of them can do it but they r not doing it! This is the desperation I’m talking abt. Who can help me?? Who can gif me a solution??
And CANDYTOOKSHIQIN got me all flaming!! This is the day when I’m most angry wif CANDYTOOKSHIQIN! And I wonder if she knows wat I m angry abt?
Little sleep+pms+CANDYTOOKSHIQIN+jy+triciatan+lousy rebounds+lousier defense+ lousiest finishing=very very angry and agitated bee.
I tink I’m really way too emotional to b coachin...can die man. I tink soon I’ll haf to go for anger+depression management classes liao.
However, I do find some COMFORT somehow. Thanks! Thanks to whom? That’s something for me to know, for u to find out.
End of camp!! NZ 2008 awaits…R U READY?

**I’ll bring yingpei cycling to make her love running!!**

2007-12-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

Xmas eve this yr is quite boring yet very heartwarming for me tis yr. me&ling had steamboat @ jia’s hse with $70+ of FOOD! How FATtening! N we finished almost everything…UNBELIEVABLE! Watched ‘friends’ aft that wif ben&jerry s dessert..yumYUM! Maybe if we really leave today in dream house, our lives will be this fun?
Left to dart after that…1st game got kicked to loser pool, 2nd game got kicked out liao. Boring…was decorated wif lighted santa’s hat n light sticks. I was literally SHINNING! Den jia,ling&yun called me to join them 4 durian @ geylang. Therefore, left Spartan to meet them..but didn’t eat cos I was simply too full. Oso dunno y they can still eat lor.. power man!
Count-downed in the middle of geylang..how so out of place. My 1st time..maybe last? Haa.. went back to Spartan..the place was damn messy..i suppose they had a crazy crazy countdown..too bad I missed it. Threw some darts, hiao wif Pauline, played some game Someone tried to make me drunk..gd try la..but try harder next time.
Pauline very ‘helpful’, plot to ‘help’ US take foto. Wat a mum..sacrifice her son! Haha..(if u read, i still like ur son more! Haha)

Bbq on xmas day. My 1st xmas party invited by ang mor. Yep, special wif very very nice food!

*why did xmas seems more fun when we were younger?*